Thank you Mr. Minor


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Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a hooker for a hug

Yo, ______(insert dishwashers name) can I get a pan to heat up some soup? Sounds so simple yet some people just cant quite grasp the concept. This is what he brought me.



This God Damn pot will not even fit on the burners or hold more then 6oz of anything. You can leave it off to the side so it scorches half of the contents and the other half will still be cold or stand there and hold it.

Torchon of Foie Gras



Marinated in Port Wine, Brandy and Espellette. Salt Cured and served with Ginger Confit, Caramelized Pineapple and toasted Brioche. Finished with Fleur de Sel and Sherry Gastrique.

Employee of the Month

I nominate R____ V. for the month of April though there are still two shifts to go. We have a no-brainer banquet for 30 to-night and I am highly confident that she won't let me down.

Hobbies: completely justifying the $2.38 we pay her hourly, refusing to acknowledge that we have a written menu, using multiple modifiers to create items that are already on the menu ("I've never had anyone order that before!")
Recent accomplishment: sending the "General Manager" into a mid-rush tizzy by telling her that we were out of dinner bread instead of asking any of the five employees who actually know where we keep the backup bread
Favorite color: clear

sent from my mobile device

Pork belly + rapini



belly blues and thensome

   I have a minor dilemma and a semi-minor dilemma and I can't think of a better place to pose both.  First off, big thanks to meatphishsaltandpepper for great help braising the belly.  It turned out pretty well though I have yet to see how looks after sitting overnight and I will tell you how I ended up doing it in light of dilemma numero uno.  I cut the belly in half (half of half actually since cornstarch and I split a whole belly) and seared it in two large saute pans.  My Evil Empire rep was already there for her order and characteristically annoying the piss out of me, so I was a little rushed and extremely annoyed.  I rough chopped the celery, carrots and onion, laid the seared belly pieces on top and put it in the oven with the just a bit of garlic oil that I used to sear them while I made a  quick pork stock in the saute pans.  Once the veggies had a little caramelization, I added the stock and let it ride for two hours, adding just a little water and KE PG (yeah, right!) towards the end.  The skin was nice and crispy and even bubbled in a few spots like a pizza crust.  I pulled it off and exposed the fat, but here's where I think I went a little off track.  The skin (or rind?) didn't just easily lift off in a couple of spots, especially near the edges where it had really crusted up.  I got it all off with little difficulty, but it pulled a little of the stringy luscious meat with it.  In any case, I put it all back in to brown the fat a little and gave it another thirty minutes.  All said and done, it tastes pretty damn good and the veggies are otherwordly.  I separated the veggies, the belly, the skin and braising liquid and put in the walk-in until after dinner.  When I investigated near the end of the night, it just seemed like I had so little finished product as far as the belly meat.  It tastes delicious ice cold and I had to stop myself from making little "sandwiches" with the carrots, but I wonder what to do next.  I had planned on portioning it into little squares and putting it either under or atop an eight-ounce filet mignon with broccoli rabe and the veg puree fortified with demi.  I don't know if I want to do that anymore for some reason.  Now, I think I want to run it as an app with broccoli rabe and peppers and the same sauce, but I don't know.  Part of it is that I really need to run veal as special to-night, but that's a whole 'nother issue.  I'll figure it out, but any thoughts or suggestions would be Highly appreciated.
     Issue numero dos isn't such an issue, though I would like to resolve it by to-morrow night.  I have a bunch of winery bigwigs coming from _________ for dinner next Tuesday.  There only eight to ten of them and the VIP who usually brings them won't be there, so I'm not going all out though I still want it to be soigne and fairly creative.  Since I assume it is going to be in the high 80's or 90's next Tuesday, I am keeping it as light as possible even though they will likely be drinking '96 Barolos and/or Cabs.  As it stands, I'm planning on confited duck legs with a chopped salad for first course, stuffed pork loin or tenderloin saltimbocca second and then seafood cioppino third.  They also want hors d'ouevres and that's where I'm stuck.  I don't want to overfeed them, it has to be SIMPLE and I just can't seem to think of anything that I like.  I wanted to do a variation of sausage and peppers with broccoli rabe, but it needs to be amuse size and obviously less messy than something like that.  I hate to sound like a slacker, but I really don't want to put that much effort into it without going so far as to bring in something premade from D'Artagnan.  Thanks, Chefs and happy Wednesday.

put on your running shoes, Big Perm

I've been back in the saddle for three weeks now. I am loving life in ways I never have before. The kitchen is cleaner, the staff is more awake, and we are getting a new high temp dish machine next week. To top that the summer menu is 99% done, morel season is starting, and Interactive Sushi Class has come and gone. To top that I got a half dozen wine club recipes written, prepared, photographed and delivered a week ahead of schedule (thank you Cecil). What next?

I am taking away the cooks copy of the tickets this coming Friday and Saturday nights. I am calling all the food for service. The dinner staff has been reading their own tickets since I left 9 months ago. Since I've been back I've observed their methods of calling, cooking, and plating the food. When it gets busy they get sloppy, and spend more time reading that cooking. Clearly it is my job to be in the expo window and now that the kitchen is getting back to the way I like it I will be camping out there for the summer.

This weekend will put them and myself to the test. Our summer menu, summer hours, and summer rushes are just one month away. Also, we are getting a brand new crop of food runners. I wish them bitches good luck. What's funny is right now they think I am really nice.

Our staff is better than ever and I know there is no stopping the momentum into summer. I can't wait:

"All right boys and girls, listen to my voice, I will guide you!! All day from the grill I need 17 filet, 4 rare, 8 medium 2 with foie, 2 med well, and 3 well walking with 11 salmon, and 6 lamb, one rare no turnips, 3 medium, and a well no salt. How long??!!!"

lah dee dah

last friday at my new joint i heard some of the goddamned kookiest music i've ever heard in a kitchen.  don't get me wrong, i didn't hate any of it at all, it was just, well...wierd.  there was indian sitar-techno, youtube star wars raps, and something called major laser that everybody was way into.  it was all super cool but not what i'd call motivational.  the kitchens i'm used to working in tend to steer toward the metal (or maybe it's just me having control of the music), but metal pumps people up.  whether it's good ol metallica and slayer, or 80s metal like van halen, ratt, and skid row, metal is motivation.  i worked in a kitchen where the manager would play endless phish tapes and it was a nightmare.  don't get me wrong, phish is all good for taking bongs and rubbing mud on your nasty bits, but it doesn't make me want to crank out a dinner rush.

i have about six hundred songs on my blackberry that i put on random and rock out to...it's quite a diverse playlist, but it's mostly upbeat power stuff.  the shuffle play on it has a mind of it's own but lately it's been awesome, and here's what i've been rocking lately...early van halen (always), the darkness, the cult, copious amounts of the mad caddies and the toasters, cage the elephant, the fratellis, the strokes, the dance hall crashers, green day (early green day), and as always lots and lots of metallica.  occasionally it'll toss in a super random song like tears from a clown by smokey robinson or machinegun by the commodores, or some men at work.

basically as long as it's not hippie crap i'm good with it.  what's playin in your kitchen everybody?

Fucking Sundays are for sleeping in

Sundays normally kick ass for many reasons. First we have a radio just for the kitchen. We can play rap and listen to stand-up comics. The kitchen staff is thin which just makes it easier to get things done. I work on Saturday so I know what I am walking into on Sunday. Does anyone see any problems with that previous sentence? Lets just say it was a good thing I did not have any bong hits this morning. So I walked in and before I even got changed someone asked about soup. Really?? Does it look like I have been hiding in the back making it? Soup OK which one? Mushroom, carrot and pea?? We need all three?? SO at this point my whole plan for the day is being readjusted. No sweat I have time and I did not have any drinks last night so am moving efficiently. So around 840 someone asked about the catering order? What catering order? I look at the catering board first thing in the morning every morning. That order was not there!! Oh you had it out front for some fucked up reason? Is your favorite color clear?? Oh and it is for 9am, as in 20 fucking minutes form now. So it was for 2.5 pounds of mushroom salad. I have never even seen this salad before but knew I has some pasta cooked off and thought we could pull this off. Then I am informed it gets some special pasta. The shaft enters my ass at this point just the tip, but with no lube. The salad gets mushroom pasta, roasted mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, parm, red wine vin, and frisee. So I grab a pot to put water on while the salad guy grab the mushrooms. Oh we have no RWV made, two more inches enter my ass. So the guy who makes sandwiches quickly starts making the dressing. 8:51am water is on, mushrooms are roasting and RWV is being made. We might pull this off with time to spare. Well my short Pastry team cannot reach the back burners on our stove.... 6 more inches enter surprisingly easily. Pastry person did not turn he back burner on!!!!!!! Fuck Me I should still be sleeping it is not even 9am. Three minutes later I got the burner turned back on. The pasta needs 5-7 minutes and I will cutting it close for the deadline. 8:57am pasta hits the H2O and the person arrives to pick up the order. I tell the FOH person to chit-chat but she is as useless as a cutting board at McDonalds. So at 9:03 the pasta was done and I reached to the back to grab it. I was admiring the all the hair on my arm just the other day, thank Jo-bu because it is now gone. So we got it out around 9:07ish how could the day get any worse right. Well I thought I was all smart cooking down my onions together for all the soups in one pot. Well the bread dude makes pretzels and need the front burner for that which is fine, he is fast and neat. But he turns the back burner on high and starts browning my onions and garlic. Two more inches find room in my colon. We are out of onions, you know because it is Sunday and any produce we have was ordered on Friday. Two more inches enter and now I am walking funny. Fuck Fuck Fuck. So I tore apart the walk-in and found some random onions bits. Now it is time to be an asshole, got them going in separate pots this time just so I could fill the stove up and keep people off of it. I do this when I get busy since the stove is my station and I need room to work sometimes. We only have six burners which is not enough.
By noon I had mostly recovered. Soups were made but they needed to be adjusted which is no big deal. The grill, which is outside, was fired up for some quail. Around 2pm my ipod made into the radio and I was loving life. Someone made me a caffeinated elixir which was just what I needed after my morning.
I might have to work Sundays but don't call it brunch.

closing?

This one has been bugging me for a long time. As I mentioned in a earlier post, there is a local food blog that I read, mostly for a good chuckle, and I will not mention the name because of the trouble our colleague Mikey with his blog(more on that fourthcoming). This blogger is a real knucklehead. Writes reviews on local restaurants, takes master food preserving and garden classes blah blah blah blah blah. They have deleted more of my comments than have stayed. Like I said, knows a little about everything. I really cant stand it and it gets me fired up every time I read it. Here's an example, just a little sample: "I think I’ve turned a corner on my academic work. It’s taken me nine months of struggle to finish up loose ends left dangling from my dissertation exile, publish a couple of articles, invent a few new classes for the job I started immediately after finishing the Ph.D., start new work for conferences and grant proposals, make travel plans, plus a host of other teaching and administrative stuff that’s par for the course. But I’ve done it." Now what the fuck that has to do with food I dont know, but it's cool you have a Ph.D..
The first time I read this blog it was complaining about how employees are treated by employers. An iconic restaurant in our little town closed a year or so ago.....someone bought it from the original owners as a hobby and ran it into the ground. They ended up closing the place. This blogger was enraged that the employees got no notice other than a sign on the door when they showed up for their shifts. How unethical of them. How dare they treat their waitstaff, busboys, and dishwashers like they are expendable. FUCKING NEWSFLASH:WE ARE. No one is bigger than any one place. I hope you all know that. Now, Ive never owned a restaurant, and I don't know if you all have or not. I would like to think I wouldn't run it into the ground, but you never know. My question to you is how would you handle it if you had to close? Would you give everyone(including the crack head dishwasher,drunk ass line cook, and fucking greedy waiter)two weeks notice so the could steal you blind? I don't think of myself as too much of a prick, but my bottom line is that unless I really know you, and I mean REALLY know you I don't fucking trust you......so for me no one gets notice. How about you?

Tonight's Amuse Bouche

Cucumber Oyster Foam with Red and White Verjus pickled shallots and fennel

iced Chai chargers + the countdown

So Saturday has arrived yet again and my weekend is less than three hundred minutes or so from realization. To make it even better, my dearest darling swung by the restaurant with some liquid crack that I have vowed not to chug. I know that we have a few on the book, but the first reservation is still eons from now and the waiting game has only just begun.

sent from my mobile mise en place

Last supper



the whole story

ok, so, i've been thinking about writing this post for over a week.  those of you that read my blog already know most of the story, but i've also been asked to relay it to the KC readers.  so here goes.

two weeks ago, on tuesday, i came into a kitchen that was absolutely destroyed.  tuesday was my monday, and i was the opening cook.  now, before that tuesday, i had come into the kitchen numerous times to find last night's dishes still crusting over in a bus tub (not soaked), full garbages, poor stocking, etc...for 12 years i was a closer, and the way i was taught is that if you close at ten, you might get done at ten fifteen or eleven thirty but YOU DON'T LEAVE UNTIL YOUR WORK IS DONE.  you get the kitchen ready for the next guy to walk in.  if i got off at 2 i stocked and cleaned and did my business.  if i got off at ten i stocked and cleaned and did my business.  whether it was busy or slow, the kitchen looked exactly the same after i clocked out.  full, clean, and ready to go.  so, it's no surprise that i was getting upset at all the work that wasn't getting done at night.  i talked to el chefe about it on numerous occasions, and although he always told me he would talk to the night guys, i doubt he ever did, because nothing changed.  i think he saw me as being difficult and complainy.  i saw it as i was getting paid to open, not to open and finish up all of last nights stocking and cleaning.  that shit ain't my job, yo!  don't get me wrong, i'm all sorts of down to help out and be a team player, but when other people aren't pulling their weight, it gets tiresome after a while. 

so yeah, that tuesday was bad.  i took 11 pictures that morning of how shitty the kitchen looked.  i came home and posted a few of them, not in a "look what these assholes did" way, but in a "am i just being whiny about this" way.  i dunno how or when the folks i work with found out about my blog, but apparently they were already aware of it when i posted those pics.  on wednesday el chefe asked me to take them down, which i didn't want to do but i did anyway.  but i guess the damage was already done.  he saw it as me hurting his business.  i saw it as letting those guys leave the kitchen like that, that was hurting his business.  here's a few of the pictures, and you can judge for yourself.
ok, so not only are the garbages not taken out (dumpster is fifty feet from that door) but they were spilled and leaking.
here's the dish pit.  nothing was soaked.  two full bus tubs on the floor underneath it.
here's one of my favorites.  these tongs were obviously jammed down the grease trap on the grill.  i sprayed them off and it took five seconds.  however, they were just left like this.
this is great.  notice how every container is wrapped up tight, but not stocked.  hmm.

i got plenty more, including full garbages with crumpled up beer cans on top (how'd that happen?).  but i'll spare you all the grisly details.  anyway.  those were among the pics i posted, and the last line i wrote was "is this bullshit or am i just being whiny?"

apparently i was just being whiny, or so thought the management.  they all went back and read my blog, and there was a couple minute instances of me questioning the management.  they saw it as "talking shit".  i feel differently.  the only thing i said about owner #2 is that he scheduled himself at 8 on st. paddy's day and didn't show up till nine and i had to get the dining room open (not my job).  was i mad about that?  sure!  he was an hour late!  i don't care if it was one of the owners or not, i show up on time and expect everybody else too as well.  so yeah, i was a little ticked.  and owner #1, i rarely ever saw her, cause i was a day cook, and i know there's lots and lots of stuff that goes down when i wasn't there, but i hardly ever saw her, and the impression i got from her is that she didn't want to really work for it.  i'm sorry if that's the impression i got.  can't really help it.  i've since talked to her and i feel like we buried the hatchet.

ANYway, long story (not) short, on friday i got to work and el chefe shows up early and puts his chef jacket on.  uh-oh...i know something is up.  he never shows up that early, much less ready to take the line over.  he says "i gotta talk to you" and i go "if you're gonna fire me, just do it".  he says "well, no, not exactly..." and proceeds to spew out line after line of absolute bullshit about "everybody hating me" and "the night guys want to kill me" and "it's going to be a harsh work environment for me" and "neither of the owners want to talk to me so they sent him to fire me" and "they all discussed it and the best they could do was give me my two weeks notice".  all because i was mad that i had to finish up everybody else's work.  i asked to bring the other owners down to talk about the whole thing and i was told "they don't want to talk to you".

i never heard the words "you're fired" but giving me two weeks notice?  that's firing, folks.  and a bullshit way to do it at that.  but here's where it gets fun...that friday that i got fired, we were supposed to get our tips.  all the tips are pooled and split equally between the day guys and night guys.  needless to say, i was pissed and didn't come back for my tips that day.  i came in the next morning.  wasn't gonna get pissed and cause a scene, just wanted the tips that i worked for.  well, el chefe informs me that he gave my tips away to everybody else cause "we thought you were never coming back".  i said "well, i'm not coming back, i just want my tips".  so i left, and came home and fired off a post about it.  then a friend of mine found something on the web about when somebody gets fired in montana they are due their last paycheck within four hours.  so i went back and demanded my check, and owner number one got it for me with no hassles.  apparently owner number one read that post, though, and a couple hours later i get a facebook message from her that says "i'm fucking pissed.  you deserve your tips.  come get them from me".  so i went back, and found out that her and owner number 2 DID NOT send el chefe to fire me, they were completely unaware of what happened.  he told them i quit.  so i spent a few minutes explaining to her what really went down and she had tears in her eyes and she told me "i'm sorry, this is not the way this was supposed to go down".  i guess they were a little miffed about my blog but wanted to talk to me about it.  funny, cause el chefe very specifically told me that they didn't want to talk to me. and owner number one usually counted and split the tips herself and el chefe did it this time and everybody got almost twenty bucks less than they usually did, and mine got given away, and she was NOT fucking happy about it.  neither were the am servers, who only work with me...they were pissed the tips that were supposed to go to me went to the other guys.  anyway, i gave owner number one a big hug and told her i'm sorry that things went the way they did.  i haven't seen or spoken to owner number 2 since the incident, but i'm confident he knows the real story too.  if you're reading...no hard feelings.

anyway, long story short, el chefe is a total douche, and a habitual liar.  in retrospect, he never once actually named any of the "five star" places he worked, he just said he worked at all sorts of five star restaurants and he'd opened up six restaurants from scratch.  which is total bullshit, cause opening this one was kind of a train wreck, and one would think that by the sixth restaurant he'd have things pretty figured out.  but all i heard from that guy were empty promises and puffy-chested ego bragging.  so honestly, i'm glad i'm gone.  i got a new gig and it's a way better fit for me.  there's nothing pretentious about the food, it's just good, scratch made pub food.  and the new place is WAAAAAYYYY busier than the other place.  so i got that going for me.  it's almost a week into it and i don't think anybody has lied to my face yet, which is pretty nice.  and it's awesome for me, cause new place is just a couple blocks from old place and i know that all the people eating lunch at the new gig are NOT eating at the old gig.  plus all my friends have come forward to say "we were being nice cause you worked there, but honestly...the food sucks".  i didn't think all of it sucked, but i certainly didn't like a lot of it.  i have yet to see something at the new place that sucks.  in fact, the menu is pretty fucking awesome.  it's right up my alley.  it's cooks food.  i'm a line cook again.

and a happy one at that.

Petrole Sole


Petrole Sole, braised leeks, fingerling potatoes, asparagus and sauce of beets and balsamic.

Beet Sauce:
Simmer roasted beets in chix stock
Add balsamic and sherry vinegar
Put through blender and chinois
Add roasted garlic puree
Add butter and fine olive oil.

Hump Day shake-o-rama

The end of Thursday holds a special place in this chef's heart, because all the hard work is behind me. I actually look forward to putting out my trash when I get home from work because it means that all my orders are done, heavy prep is a memory and all that remains is two nights of understaffed FOH six-top straight-fire ankle-grabbing. To-day, we knocked out red sauce, ten gallons of demi-glace and ten pounds of meatballs so I am especially tired, satisfied and, most importantly, thirsty. That is where intensive olive therapy comes in and the countdown begins. Less than forty-eight hours to go and you can't stop time. Big shout out to Mikey for his new gig. Here's to a great weekend, Chefs.

soup part II



Let me ad that I like to ride my bike to work whenever possible. it is about 17 hilly miles each way but I enjoy it. When I was told about this soup I was given a book that weighed 10+ pounds to ride home with. Not a huge deal but I worked 9+ hours and now had to ride home with this book. Builds character or anger you choose. Anyway I read the recipe and checked out some googled picture and shit. Seems like vegetable soup with bacon flavor. Anyway I got my mise all set up but did not have a chance to get it working since it was 1215 and I know better then to cover 3 of my 6 burners on a Saturday during lunch time. So long story short the guy who asked me to make came in and put everything in a pot simmered and called it a day. He used prosciuttoinstead of bacon for reason unknown at the time. It tasted like veggie soup. And even worse after he put the vinegar in it. So on Wed I was going to attempt to make it the OG way. I had secretly cut the fat of some smoked pork belly and stored it where only I could find it, my book-bag. I simmered the veggies for about two hours with the bacon lid. The kitchen smelled of bacon and chocolate which made IT move without touching IT. Produce did not arrive until 1130 and I did not get a chance to finish the soup, but I assembled some for myself and for a customer, by request to try. Some veggies were missing but I got to try the important part, the broth. Chix stock with a slightly smokey flavor. That's it. I felt like I went on a date with a attractive woman and had made just enough connection over dinner to have the date end with on a high note! But then nothing, not even a high school style make-out session. Or it could be described like reading any Dan Brown's novels. Awesome with a unfilled ending. All that work for little result....No I now know that I will most likely not make that soup again and will wonder why anyone would make it. I will use the bacon lid again and saved the pieces I used.

The Fruits of Urban Agriculture

criticism + reconciliation

          Reconciliation may not be the correct word, since there was never really a relationship to begin with, but it is a huge step in what I believe to be the right direction.  In our small little town, we have about four "professional" restaurant critics and they all rub me the wrong way for obvious reasons.  Perhaps it is simple jealousy that I don't get paid to write or the fact that they are really just food "reporters" who have no clue how powerful their opinions (and that's all they are) can be. 
          Over a year ago, I made the mistake of calling out Critic #1 in a hastily written email and she published it and her scathing response on her blog.  I questioned her credentials and insulted Critic #2 and I left my name and phone number.  She called me almost immediately (I didn't answer) and then Critic #2 emailed me soon after (I didn't respond).  Suffice it to say, the backlash on the blog was immense and I even got a little grief from my restaurant's owner.  He wisely told me that there is no way to beat them at their game and in their forum.  I eventually wrote an email of apology to Critic #1 because I felt it was the right thing to do.  I wrote that I was unaware of her James Beard nominations and incredible food writing pedigree and that my real problem was with Critic #2 for a very unfair review from 2003.  She accepted my apology, friended me on FB and that was that.
            So, Critic #2 is a little more infamous about town for his tough reviews and perceived arrogance, not to mention the fact that he gets loaded during the course of the meal and takes several smoke breaks.  That being said, it is difficult not to fault him when he gets some of the facts about the meal incorrect.  In my particular incident, he claimed that his tuna was overcooked and I know that not to be true.  My girlfriend at the time was the hostess and we knew he was there from the beginning.  I cooked and plated the dish myself.  It was at least a ten-ounce hunk of ahi and it was seared rare at most.  A really good veterinarian could probably have revived the fucker.  In any case, I held a grudge.  Not so much that he came the first month we were open (and right after Christmas mindfuck), called my sauces derivative or genuinely slammed us, but that he was wrong and the restaurant never really recovered.  
            Fast forward to Saturday night.  I was entered in yet another contest that I was destined not to win and Critic #2 was once again a judge.  I was busy getting my ass handed to me at the restaurant, so my wife represented the restaurant and she really went over and above promoting us.  She struck a bond with Critic #2 and, lo and behold, it appears we are on the road to reconciliation or whatever the hell the word for it would be.  Not only are we now friends on FB, but he took the Mrs. up on her offer to have dinner with her at my restaurant.  I don't know how I feel about that, especially if he blogs about it, but, again, it is a step.  I wonder if he remembers this line from his email to me, "As for 'pontificating without credentials,' I'm sure I could cook you out of any kitchen, any day.  Name the dish."

Chipotle Sushi

Over the past two weeks I have been reading, eating, and trying to understand "sushi." I use quotations cause the more I try to expose my brain to sushi is the more I am aware of the "sushi" we find everywhere from Walmart deli to a new chic restaurant in the uppity shopping center.

The reality is that phenomenal sushi does not exist in Eugene. Portland is so over saturated with sushi joints it makes finding the best of the best a lifelong exploration. So what is the big deal about overpriced japanese burritos? Here is a brief history about sushi:

Sushi originated in SE Asia as fish stored in rice that is broken down into amino acids (taste=umami) as the rice ferments. This took weeks. They sped up the process in the 14th century by preconditioning the rice with vinegar. At the turn of the 19th century raw and cooked fish from the Tokyo Bay was rolled in a seaweed paper with rice and sold as street food. Then in the 1960's the japanese burrito made it to Los Angeles, CA. Everything that goes through L.A. gets better, right?

Today you can commonly get a roll with these ingredients: Krab, Cream Cheese, Mayonaisse and Avocado. So I decided to say, "Fuck it." This weekend at KE you will find sushi ingredients including: Dungeness Crab in Black Pepper Aioli, Smoked Trout, Smoked Oysters, Scallop Ceviche, and Spicy Tuna.

And for my sweet beerdouchebagmusic, let's rock one with Foie Gras.


grill marks on half

           One of the surest signs that Saturday has arrived is waking @ 7:00am because of a kitchen nightmare. This one started at a Dead Show/warehouse catering operation and I was almost glad that the cops came because my friends wouldn't let me talk them out of buying LSD-24. In any case, I ended up in Eugene after accepting a job in Crazytown, completely forgetting that I had a wife and daughter and it would be impossible to commute from the Right Coast. Diggily and I were working on one of the new menu items, a grilled veggie sandwich on focaccia. Our grill was too hot and it was burning the eggplant, so I had no idea how we were going to put grill marks on the sandwich once we cut it in half. Part of the problem was a new line cook named Heather who kept threatening to show us her tits. She said that people always tell her that she looks like Heather Graham. Buck White snorted and said, "Maybe if Heather smoked a gram," and I was too busy controlling my laughter to worry about the grill marks. The next I knew it was nearly closing time (10:00) and we were elated to have one last five-top fed so we could clean up. Unfortunately, another five-top magically appeared and wanted to eat at the bar. It was a certain food critic from a terrible local paper and they ordered eight or nine items, mostly sandwiches, and of course she wanted grill marks on only half of her veggie sandwich. That's when I woke up, unable to scream because I no longer had any oxygen in my body. Needless to say, I wasn't able to get back to sleep.
        So, the moral of this story is: if you're going to have a veggie sandwich on the menu, there are several considerations. Do not use stale focaccia, especially if using the prebought herbed rounds. Par grill or blanche your vegetables ahead of time. Don't use nasty pesto mayonnaise. Don't overstuff it or use too many RRPs. Use toothpicks to hold it together, spray it with olive oil and make sure the grill is remarkably clean.  Now punch yourself right in the face and look @ Earl.
        Good luck in your respective restaurants to-night. I would ask for reciprocal wishes, but I'm going to need way more than just plain luck. We already have a 5, a 6, an 8 and a 5 on the book, so I'm in the market for a good attorney and a great pharmacist. Either way, it will be over in ten hours and I can hopefully collect my prize for Best Chili and get my Chelsea on.

Art of souping reprise~> reprise reprise


I have never been a soup guy or did I ever want to be. I work nights 99% of the time and rarely would soup be on my prep list. I would certainly dilute old soup before I made more. Not that I don't care it is just I had more important things to do. Day crew doesn't due shit anyway, why can't they make soup? Shit Why didn't they make any? I will save Day crew for another post. So this word, garbure, has been floating around the kitchen for a few days. It is not French for 3-day soup as I was led to believe. I was finally given the task of making it tomorrow. The Ad Hoc book was handed to me and I was told to read their recipe and make it happen. Really homework, on a Friday? Ah who cares, I am not going out since I am working day shift tomorrow. I am actually looking forward to this in a weird way. I have not read the directions yet, there are two pages of small print. Yes two pages for a soup and no the picture is on a different page. I will keep you posted on how it turns out.

Part Deuce:
Let me ad that I like to ride my bike to work whenever possible. it is about 17 hilly miles each way but I enjoy it. When I was told about this soup I was given a book that weighed 10+ pounds to ride home with. Not a huge deal but I worked 9+ hours and now had to ride home with this book. Builds character or anger you choose. Anyway I read the recipe and checked out some googled picture and shit. Seems like vegetable soup with bacon flavor. Anyway I got my mise all set up but did not have a chance to get it working since it was 1215 and I know better then to cover 3 of my 6 burners on a Saturday during lunch time. So long story short the guy who asked me to make came in and put everything in a pot simmered and called it a day. He used prosciuttoinstead of bacon for reason unknown at the time. It tasted like veggie soup. And even worse after he put the vinegar in it. So on Wed I was going to attempt to make it the OG way. I had secretly cut the fat of some smoked pork belly and stored it where only I could find it, my book-bag. I simmered the veggies for about two hours with the bacon lid. The kitchen smelled of bacon and chocolate which made IT move without touching IT. Produce did not arrive until 1130 and I did not get a chance to finish the soup, but I assembled some for myself and for a customer, by request to try. Some veggies were missing but I got to try the important part, the broth. Chix stock with a slightly smokey flavor. That's it. I felt like I went on a date with a attractive woman and had made just enough connection over dinner to have the date end with on a high note! But then nothing, not even a high school style make-out session. Or it could be described like reading any Dan Brown's novels. Awesome with a unfilled ending. All that work for little result....No I now know that I will most likely not make that soup again and will wonder why anyone would make it. I will use the bacon lid again and saved the pieces I used.



Yogi or Boo Boo?

So, as I've said before, crazytown is where I work. There are a million stories about this place, one of the better ones happened today and goes like this:(the names have been changed to protect the stupid)

Bill: Oh my god, I just saw a bear roaming aropund the property! Quick, grab a camera, hop in the van and lets go get some pics for the web site.
Ted: Okay lets go!(at this point, I am picturing a car load of people actin as if they were on the discovery channel chasing a tornado)
Bill: It was right down at the bottom of the hill, lets go, lets go.

I am sure there was some more dialogue, but I can't get to that level, long story short, the "bear" turned out to be a turkey. Yes, a turkey. Now, even if you had never seen even a picture of a bear, don't you think you could tell the difference between the two. Everyone has heard the story of goldilocks and the three turkeys right? Welcome to my world.....

need a new job?

Bold

I THINK WE ALL KNOW SOMEONE WHO COULD/SHOULD WORK HERE(poached from the NY Times food and wine section, which always makes for good reading)



NELLO BALAN was standing on Madison Avenue in front of his restaurant, smoking a cigar. It was after 10 on a Tuesday night, and the dining room was empty save for a table of four people finishing a collection of wan Italian food that, with a few glasses of wine, would cost them $593.37 before tip.
Diner food at Champagne prices, one said.
Though much of his senior staff wears suits, and many of his customers dress in luxe outfits from the upscale boutiques nearby, Mr. Balan was wearing jeans and an untucked shirt. His bleached blond hair was cut close and his expression was fierce, almost predatory.
Mr. Balan stood amid sidewalk planters of yellow flowers. These bring great cheer to the restaurant and to those passing by, as well. Flowers go far in explaining the appeal of Nello.
Mr. Balan spat on the sidewalk and returned to the dining room, trailing smoke. He has claimed over the years to be a direct descendant of Vlad the Impaler. It seems entirely possible.
Nello, which opened in 1992, is an ecosystem that is almost incomprehensible to those not a part of it. The food is not very good. Yet the restaurant’s customer base is built of the richest and most coddled people in the city, who love it for its elegance and, perhaps, simplicity.
It is a private club of sorts, where the dues are paid nightly. The meetings are unadvertised. Nello’s dining room can be crowded at 3 p.m. or midnight. It can also be empty at 1 p.m. or 9 p.m. Regular patrons respond to whistles mere customers cannot hear.
The table of four that night was made up of that latter group: New Yorkers relatively new to the restaurant, unknown to the management.
They ate crisp artichokes offered as carciofi alla giudia. These tasted of shirt cardboard. They ate sawdusty chicken livers lashed with balsamic. They sipped at lentil soup familiar to anyone who owns a can opener and shared too-salty saffron risotto, correctly yellow, of no particular flavor.
They gummed at cannelloni with mushrooms that from the grit on them might actually have been harvested wild, as well as at rubbery swordfish drenched in mustard sauce, then laughed about lobster ravioli so tasteless it might have been prop food for an advertisement.
Only an arugula salad with fontina and pears could have been mistaken for something good to eat.
But for all that? There were more flowers inside the restaurant, sitting in vases on the linen tablecloths of every table, fragrant and beautifully arranged. The city looked fantastic beyond them, through the front window, which during the summer is mostly open to the street. It was, despite all, extremely pleasant in Nello that night.
There were waiters and captains and busboys and runners standing at the ready, servants at an 18th-century court. They sprang into action at the merest gesture, smiles blazing, and soon returned with whatever the table needed: another bottle of water, say, or a glass of middling Sancerre, a gin martini.
This began to add up. That water was $12; the glass of wine, $17; the martini, $22.
The restaurant’s best dish by far is tagliolini with butter, truffle oil, shards of black truffle and Parmesan. It costs $100. If that is no matter, the pasta is extremely buttery and delicious. Eat it and discover that Nello can be a fair place to have dinner.
The theater of the place is, in any event, magnificent. It is Stephen Sondheim’s city of strangers played for sociology and laughs: a middle-aged woman in hot-pink fur and very high heels almost wiping out at the stairway that leads from the dining room down to the bathroom. “Champagne,” she giggled in explanation, and tottered away.
During the day, the crowd is women who shop and women who dress like their daughters and men who meet them for lunch. There are air kisses and the tinkle of tennis bracelets against wine glasses. The kitchen trades mostly in salad, wine and the occasional pasta or veal. (The menu is the same as at night.)
If you desire more than a lemon-scented salad and don’t want to spare the $100 for the pasta with truffles, the best bet is a simple bowl of green and white tagliatelle served with prosciutto, green peas, Parmesan and pecorino. Not bad, if very rich. (And $38!) This is food for children raised in boarding schools.
Vitello tonnato, meanwhile, looks good enough straight from the kitchen. It tastes like sliced shoe, though, against a tuna sauce that carries a Miracle Whip tang. It’s grim, especially at $32.
Rage can overtake a person at Nello: the place is what used to be called a rip. (And the desserts are stale to boot.) But if $32 means nothing to you, if it is the equivalent of the dollar the rest of us can spend on a slice of pizza off Times Square, the restaurant is welcoming and the people-watching is nonpareil. There is nothing snobby about it at all, least of all the food.
One night at dinner, there was a very tall woman in elegant clothes, with skin stretched tight over her face in unnatural ways and glasses the size of salad plates to magnify that. She was eating with a small red-faced fellow with dark hair in a center part, who was wearing an ascot and green Tyrolean coat. A cartoonist might render them as an awkward French giraffe and a mischievous Austrian chimp.
The woman drank wine as the man devoured a plate of pasta in tomato sauce. (Decent, and, at $29, maybe a bargain.) They were a good couple. When he finished, she wiped at the corner of his mouth with a napkin.
The man signaled to a waiter. He laughed and slapped the table with his open palm. “AAAH-gain!” he cried, happily. “Once AAAH-gain!” The waiter smiled and withdrew with the empty plate. Within 10 minutes the man was eating again.
There were a great many black cars and luxury sedans out front blocking traffic that night. Across the dining room there was a long table of women in abayas, silently perusing menus. “Saudi princess,” said the maître d’hôtel. They sat on the banquette with their menus, waiting for a signal from her highness, who had the center seat.
There at that table not covered in wines, they sat in two straight lines, Middle Eastern Madelines. It was a picture-book moment in Manhattan, Nello at its finest.

Respect

I hate when someone tells me "because I am the boss". That is fucking bullshit. Tell because you have tried and failed or that you watched someone else fail doing this specific task, but don't tell me to do it your way because you have been given a title. What does that title mean anyway? That you can be controlled and manipulated? Respect is earned in this business from knowing your craft, burns, cuts, and HARD work. I can't stand when someone thinks they are the poops because of some bullshit title. Show me a better way, or at least tell me about your failures so I know you have at least tried to perform this task. If you are a general manager and can't cook, well don't piss off the kitchen. Or if you are a Chef who can't bar tend, I know doubtful, then don't piss of the bartender. I guess the point is to be respected you must respect the other people around you. Recognize the awesome job our co-workers do once in a while. Pay attention to what they do so you can help out if need be. Be a TEAM player. Respect others and they will respect you back.

The smell of the end ~> Ramps

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Pickled veg for sushi class


feeling lucky?

Everything been going great for you in the kitchen lately? Haven't cut yourself for awhile? No broken sauces or failed recipes? Then go buy yourself this book. It will break you. Just try to make the chicken liver terrine with double cream. Yeah, I tried it. Came to the conclusion there is no such thing in the U.S. And no, creme fraiche doesn't work, or reduced cream, or anything else your thinking of. Silly French and their pork throat, double cream, courgettes and chestnut flour. The Gorgonzola, marscapone and nut terrine is f'in delicious(and a no-brainer to assemble) with the honey-nut compote. All of the recipes sound delicious and accompanying pics are beautiful. Stephane Reynaud seems to be pretty much in the know on French charcuterie, and his book, Pork and Sons has provided me with some great results and ideas. But this book has been a different story. One of the blogs I follow, Charcuterie Sundays(check it out, its a good one)says that french terrines are one of the hardest parts of charcuterie. I agree. Good luck and please post any success/failure stories.

Jack's new Absolut mise extension


"No" is the new "Yes." "Sure" is the new "I'll grab my ankles"

As a chef there is only one answer to every request..."sure." Never show that it bothers you even when the request is a complete pain in the ass. As chefs we do not falter. As chefs the only time we say no is to our friends and our lives.

Don't get me wrong, I love the challenge. First day back at Crazy Town last Friday I was given the charge of writing the summer menu asap, writing the mother's day menu asap, prepare to teach a sushi class in less than two weeks, get ready for Easter Sunday, get ready for Chef's Night Out, prepare a vegan menu for a party on Wednesday, get the kitchen back into shape, and take over all the ordering. Of course all this comes second to monitoring lunch and dinner service. "Sure" is what I said hoping to call some sort of bluff.

23 hours later I was asked if the new menu was done yet.


Brrrrrruunn. I hate this word

Brunch is for suckers. The only benefit to working Sunday night is that you get to eat the brunch leftovers. I would still rather have Sunday's off, so I can enjoy all day worship at my church.

PROS AND CONS OF BEING THE CHARCUTERIE GUY

I'll start by saying I love my job, 99.5% of the time. The charcuterie kitchen here is over half a mile from the visitors center, which is where the restaurant is located. At that distance it is pretty easy to avoid the craziness the place extrudes. But I also miss that craziness at times. Being a line cook for over 15 years you start to miss the yelling, burning smell of flesh(co-workers and animal) and numerous other things I cant mention here. My kitchen, the bakery and the now defunct processing kitchen are all located in the same building. When I say my kitchen that's exactly what it is, my kitchen, no one else, just me and my ipod. So that is definitely one of the cons, even for someone like myself who mostly hates people. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to(or laugh at). I guess you could argue that being alone, away from the madness could be a pro as well.


I am responsible from processing all the proteins that are used at the estate, breaking down primal cuts of beef and pork into usable cuts, smoking of all meats(and other things), charcuterie items such as pates, terrines, salumi, etc etc. As long as I keep the kitchen stocked up on what they need, our chef has given me free reign to do whatever I want. Another pro. With that being the case, I have really been able to spend some time figuring out the whole dry curing process. Another pro. With the bakery being next door, we have to make daily trips up to the restaurant(we call it crazy town) to deliver bread, meat, and desserts. So our building shares a company vehicle to drive the mile round trip. We used to have a piece of shit ford exploder but one of the pastry girls broke it, I think on purpose, so they replaced it with a Lexus SUV, loaded with leather, seat warmers, and as the pastry chef says"a nice sound system". Another pro. Its great to go up to the kitchen when its really busy, drop some product, fuck with people and then split back down to happy valley.(our kitchens)


So in general, being chacuterie guy is mostly a good thing. I miss the kitchen and I know my chops are getting really rusty, but I am 41 and as my Chef always says it is a young mans game. Some days I feel like the old stallion who has been put out to pasture to live out his final days in peace. Horse meat anyone?

ahh, memories...

when i was a kid, the fam used to go out to brunch at a long forgotten place called the rocking horse.  i think it was a nightclub that had food and only served breakfast on the weekends.  i know it had a galaga machine, and tokens with pac man on them.  anyway, i used to love that place.  pops always let me and the bro drink coffee (i was like, five or six) and what i remember most about the place is there was an omelette station in the middle of the dining room.  you walked up, and there was all these bowls of ingredients, and dude would knock out an omelette while you watched.  at five years old, i thought that guy was awesome.  rock star status.  i don't remember ever ordering anything but omelettes when i was there.  it's sort of a fleeting memory, but whenever i think of it i always go "oh yeah!  the omelette guy!  that guy was rad!"

i also have a lot of fond food memories from when my dad took me and my brother to hawaii when i was seven.  for the first half of the trip we were in honolulu in a huge beachside hotel (my dad was at a conference) and we ate at the hotel most of the time.  they had a jumbo hotdog on the kids menu and i think i had that every single time we ate.  my brother just ate pineapple.  (i dunno, he probably ate other stuff but i just remember piles and piles of fresh pineapple).  then one night we went to dinner at that place where there's a grill at every table and dude flips and chops and cooks right in front of you...you know the one...anyway, i remember being amazed at the cook, and he ninja chopped a ton of shrimp and as a joke deposited all the tails on my plate.  being seven, (not sure if i'd ever eaten a shrimp before that) i had no idea i wasn't supposed to eat the tails and i grabbed one and popped it in my mouth.  it wasn't bad.  i kind of remember the chef going "oh, no no no, sorry sorry, not for eat" and my dad laughing hysterically.  our last night in honolulu we ate at some posh seafood place right on the ocean...right on the ocean, it was built on a pier and had fresh seawater running in a moat right through the dining room and that's where they kept their lobster.  i remember walking in and standing on a bridge above the water and literally getting motion sickness from watching all the lobster move around.  i didn't know what i was looking at, but it was moving all funny and wierd and made me super dizzy.  also i fell asleep at the table.  come to think of it, i had a virgin daiquiri while we were waiting to be seated.  maybe it mistakenly had booze in it.  it actually makes sense to me now.  anyway, this place didn't have a menu, it had a huge, circular, salad bar type apparatus full of ice and fish.  there was a whole fish and a fillet for you to look at for every fish they served.  as a kid who grew up eating trout out of the river i loved fish and was excited.  i thought the fish were pretty, and i ordered mahi-mahi.  my stubborn brother, in the nicest seafood place in honolulu, ordered a steak.  then i fell asleep at the table.  i don't remember how my food tasted.  but i will never forget that restaurant.  the final memory involving food from that trip is we were on the big island at a family friend's house, and her backyard overlooked sugarcane fields and the ocean and was full of banana trees and palms.  i was trying to break a coconut on a stump but it was kinda soft and my skinny little arms couldn't hit it hard enough so i found a big rock and put it on the stump but it was kind of wobbly so i held the rock with my left hand and bashed the coconut down with my right hand.  my left thumb was right on top of the rock and i absolutely smashed it with the coconut.  the nail fell off and it turned black for a while.

i think it's kinda funny that years later, working with food, my left thumb still suffers all the punishment.  i've cut the tip off twice.

Warm welcome


GeoTagged, [N44.00392, E123.07792]


our new sous chef arrived today

April Fools Day


My first shot at food blogging, or any blogging of any kind. There is a local food blogger I read almost daily, mostly for entertainment purposes, who is one of those people who know a little about a lot. I know a lot about a little, mostly about beer, salt, music and meat.....I will be sharing my experiences at my job, charcutist for a local Eugene or. winery, projects i have going at my job, the music I listen to while at my job, various salty topics, and the kind of beer I drink at work. I will share recipes, ideas, jokes, and theory's about restaurants, food, and stupid people.
Since I am "working" right now, and I almost burned my kitchen down last week by leaving a pan of lard-ons on the stove a little to long, so I better get back at it. Before I go back to work, we are getting a new sous chef tomorrow here at the winery. Could go one of two ways, douche bag know it all, or someone who could really give our kitchen some direction. Best case scenario, a little of both. There will be much more about our new chef named sous I'm sure. Off to the pastrami in the smoker mmmmmmmmm.

too many numbers on your prosthetic poopshoot

My Wednesday's leave more than a little to be desired. I'm usually prepped to the teeth and gearing up for the rest of week, all to be quickly dismissed by a horribly slow night and a waste of my time. I am, however, extra prepped for Thursday through Saturday and proverbial cake with rhubarb-strawberry foam allows me to literally saunter in at two and still manage to meticulously produce my food without neglecting Facebook.
To-night had a much different tune and I have to say that I didn't enjoy it. We had a ten-top and ten-tops breed walk-in ten-tops for reasons that I will never understand. Without sounding petty, I can't handle ten-tops on the daily like most saute "masters." A ten-top that is all saute probably requires fifteen to eighteen pans, all my patience and more than a splash of vodka. The issue isn't even cooking the food, likely a twenty-minute stand-alone process, but the actual plating of the food. VT and I are pretty fast on average, but reading the tickets is like transcribing Arabic sometimes. Every sauce is mounted and I don't have a heat lamp and SUB VEG on every grouper special makes me forget why I remembered to fill the vodka. Yet, I work in a ghetto restaurant that doesn't hold a candle to KE or TT and my servers have dragons tattooed on their necks and wouldn't get me a glass of ice water if I was on the mats seizing on my vodka-infused tongue. I have to guess that it is to be expected when I work with a bunch of part-time amateurs. I have lost control of my servers and that makes me want to stop caring. I serve the best high end Italian (French) food in my shitty little city, but I pay for it with my soul. I know my limitations as a chef, but I also know my clientele limitations and a 25% COGS shouldn't be worth one's soul. I may just be bitter about the whole motherfucking procedure, this newfound malaise or the fact that I have to stir risotto to-morrow.