Interview

I have an EC job interview on Tuesday. I am ready to lead and carry the kitchen on my shoulders. Wish me luck.

Food Posioning

This idiot i used to work with, not at a restaurant, went to Hibachi for his birthday last week. i only know because he posted it on facebook. Everyday since then he has posted something about how he pissed off the chef and so the chef posioned his food. "raped by a cactus" "don't piss of the chef"

A lot of people piss me off...daily. I generally only like a handful of people, but I would never do anything to fuck with someones food. It could be my worst enemy and I still would give them a quality meal. I wonder how many other idiots think the way this guy does. I am going to write a every well written and polite "fuck you" from all restaurant workers on his next post.

i pull my turkeys @ 162

Happy Holiday, Chefs.  I really hope it is a holiday for all of you.  I know a lot of chefs that work harder in the days leading up to and often including Thursday.  I call bullshit.  In any case, I hope you have a great one.  I'm fortunate enough to have the whole day off and, boy, did I need it.

Over the Hump(?)

Week Six... I am finally starting to get over the hump at work. I am slowly becoming more comfortable and getting a head on prep. I switched stations last week which really fucked with me a bit. This station is the complete opposite of the previous one. The prep is much more manageable but the service is harder. I get NO tickets and must listen and remember everything. I have never had to do this before and it confused the shit out of me last weekend. I was running my hands through my hair in frustration and since they were not clean they left shit in my hair all night. I have been watching the protein station more this week and that way if I miss a ticket I can see what they have pulled out and catch up. Hopefully it will only get better as I go along. I will keep everyone posted.

I also dont have enough time to proof read or run spell check and I really dont give a fuck.

Update on New Place

I am finishing up my third week. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but it is still a long ways. Te best jobs I have ever had always took 3 months to get settled into, hopefully this one will take less. I am still working two stations everyday and they have told me I am moving to the veg station next week. That is great except that I will not be trained by anyone on the Veg station either. The guy working that station has quit and is not willing to stay a few extra days to help out. I truly feel like I am being setup to fail. i mean what the fuck. I also found out I will have only two days off between now and November 14th. This restaurant cannot not keep staff because it is in the burbs and no good worker will drive out from the city or put up with the BS. I am in the weeds from 1030am-11pm everyday. Running around like an asshole just to get setup. I am embressed by the way I have to work. I think this job may have been a mistake. I have lost my family, my freedom(yes and those who know me will understand), and not to mention a pay cut to work 10+ hours a week. I have major anxiety 24/7. Even my day off is stressful because I know nothing extra is getting done for me. Is this what it takes to have an awesome resume? Somehow I doubt anyone is working in these conditions at The French Laundry. Good luck with brunch tomorrow guys.

New jobby job

I am in week two of two new job. Not to sound like a whiney bitch, BUT I am fucking exhausted. On my first day the person who has worked the Salad/dessert station for the past 18 months broke her toe. This stoner kid who would just need a dog named scooby if he wanted to be Shagy for halloween trained me, kind of. Anyway he was fired at around 930 my first night. So I had to breakdown and write a prep list myself. On day two I was trained by a girl who, besides having a bigger cock then me, was leaving in a few days. Her work ethic was not exactly strong and she spent more time hitting on servers then anything else. A few days rolled by and on Saturday night the other new guy, we both started on Tuesday, quit at 5pm. He said he was tired and left. Are you kidding me?? Because of that I had to work another 6 day, 12+ hour week. My biggest mistake was not taking a week off in between jobs. I will never do that again.

The work is intense all the time. We have no prep cooks or even a dishwasher until 5pm, so you are on your own. I run/walk all day just to almost be ready by 530. I scrape by with just enough of everything and start all over the next day. I hate working like that, it is a fools way of working.

Everything must be done neat and well organized. This is our walk-in. Tape can NEVER be torn and must always be cut. Once this is setup it doesn't take much time to maintain but it takes dedication from everyone.

I am feeling very depressed about my decision to work here. I know I will be much better for working at this place, but right now I hate it. I hate the commute, the prep, and the pressure. I am impressed with the finesse my co-workers possess and the speed at which they put out high quality food. A few days off might really help and hopefully they are coming soon. At least they don't have brunch.

THe devil you know vs. The devil you don't

A few months ago I was bitching about my boss and is lack of moving forward. My friend said something very important and I did not realize it at the time, " It could be worse". I couldn't imagine work being any worse with a new Chef. Boy Did I learn a lesson.

The owner hired this kid with a great resume. First off a resume should get you a interview, not a job. I have a huge problem with resume Chefs. They all think they dont have to work since they washed dishes at some 3 star European bistro. Fuck them. Anyway this kid thinks he is Hot shit and is not afraid to tell you. That would not be so bad if he had the ability to teach others, mange his time, even order properly. He likes to sit in the office and wait until 430 to start dinner prep, he over orders to the point that boxes are stacked so high they block the light and you must use you cell phone as a flashlight to see anything in the walk-in.

My biggest problem is he is unreliable. He will tell you he will do something and then never do it. WTF? If you say you will stop at the produce stand, well then stop there because I am not. If you say you will be in at 10am, be there at 9:59. If you say you are going to change the schedule, then change it. We have ran out of bacon twice this month even after he said he would order it... all he has to do is say pork belly in the phone and that is it. Someone else takes care of it.

Before he started I spent a few days writing a "101" for my restaurant. He read none of it. He has asked me questions about how things get done, all of which were in the 101. I now tell him to refer back to the booklet. I am being a dick, but every time he opens it he will hopefully see something else he should be doing. Allot of time was spent writing down the little things to look for, he is did not read a page of it. (If anyone wants it I will be happy to email to them.)

A few weeks ago I started getting the phone calls and emails about this kid and his fucking attitude from former employees. Funny how you can go from restaurant to restaurant and make only enemies. I will never understand that. Most of you I know from working together, a few of you for over 10 years.

He also likes to lie to me and thinks I don't pick up on it. We got a "fresh" truffle in and I put it in some rice. he told me that he likes to order a whole bunch and then cryo and freeze them. I explained that we get an order twice a week and serve less then 50 people a night, so why buy $300 worth of truffle to put in the freezer? He ordered it anyway and told me that one of the top reps in the country fucked up the order. He also made a statement about "empty space" on the produce shelves. As you all know we now have produce from floor to ceiling and throw out half cases at a time due to them rotting.

He spent an entire week doing nothing but prep for the new menu and when the day came to change it he had nothing ready and as soon as the owner left he ran out front to talk with the servers about God knows what. The other Sous flipped out and almost walked, luckily the pastry chef was there and calmed him down. When dinner finally came around he wasn't even close to being prepared.... I flipped out told him off and walked out at 815. The first course had just left, should have went out at 730, and he still did not have the second course ready. I couldn't take it anymore. My speech went something like this:

"You little egotistical asshole, you walked around here all week pretending to be working on this menu and you were really doing nothing. You have let this entire restaurant family down because your giant ego and laziness. The difference between a Man and a boy is that a Man's ego is smaller then his cock, think how far you have to go to shrink your ego that small..BOY. This restaurant is already 4 bells, only an idiot could fuck that up."

I have never done anything like that before and I am not proud of it in the least. I only hope it knocked some sense into him.

He has a few positives, he can write great menus(although execution is a problem) and he has made the entire kitchen staff work as one unit, excluding him. And the fact that the sheltered 24 year old, who lives at home, cuts the crust off his sandwiches and drinks chocolate milk out of a coffee cup to fit in with the rest of us, has bad things to say should sum it up for everyone. I have never heard him say anything mean about anyone before. Actually I did not think he knew how to say anything but nice things.

The Good(?) news.. I have found another job at a great restaurant and a talented chef. It is sad to leave my home of two years, I love working there so much. The freedom there is like no other and I will miss it. I also hate that a little douche bag has made me quit. Well he really has not, if I stay I will run him out of there and that will not go over well with the owner. I would rather leave now on good terms then bad terms later. I would like to think I would go back someday, but I think what is so hard is that I doubt I will.

In summary- I will take a lazy EC anyday. At least I will know what will get done on my days off and expect it. The EC that says he will do something and does not.... he is a douche bag and will constantly be looking for another job.

Thank you all for reading this, I feel so much better venting it all out. Have a great week Chefs

bad juju

I seem to have a special gift of bringing out the worst in some employees.  (I think I can also bring out the best, but that never makes the news.)  The workers in question can usually be safely categorized as "lazy," but smart lazy, the kind of guys that explore every possible angle to do what they want when they want and just as much work as necessary for their personal gain.  I'm sure you've all experienced this at some point, but my special institution seems to thrive on this ghetto mentality.  I have butted heads with one person in particular since day one and the culinary gods really broke the mold when they shit this guy out.  He is the last of the "old guard" at my establishment and he should have been fired immediately, but I realize how much he does for the company and I've done everything possible to reign him in and avoid rocking the boat.  Well, he rocked all of our boats on Sunday when he posted this on Facebook: "have u ever work with a crackhead that feel they better than u always talking shit when u not around and when they saw u they smile like nothing happened go fuck yourself" Even more awesome, I also heard from the Pastry Chef that he mentioned how much he would like to punch me.  I'm of the opinion that I work a little too hard (and long) to have this additional stress added to my plate, so I guess the next step is obvious.  I had hoped that he would just quit of his own volition, preferably without giving notice so he comes off as the asshole that he truly is, but why would a glorified prep cook with no responsibilities give up the best schedule in town?  I would appreciate any of your thoughts or words of advice.  To-day is going to be another long, shitty day.

Two trailer park girls go round the outside.

There is a server in our restaurant who I've been giving a hard time to lately. At her classiest she is a hillbilly. She has no finesse, and nags at the rest of the staff a lot. I have and still will try to coach her and train her and support her successes. She thinks she knows everything and I find myself feeling sad for her and her crippling ignorance. Lately, I've been finding it difficult to even see her name on tickets.

Lately our main restaurant manager has been working hard to keep our FOH on their toes with quality and high standards of service. Today at server line up he gave them some critiques and recognized their improvements. I acknowledged those attempted improvements and reminded them that in the end we are all on the same team.

That is when the hillbilly spoke up:

"I had a guest today tell me her salad wasn't dressed properly. This seems to be happening a lot lately, for weeks now, and I've talked to all the lunch servers about it and some of them agree with me."

The other manager and myself immediately asked, "IF THERE WAS A GUEST COMPLAINT, THEN WHY THE ARE WE JUST HEARING ABOUT IT NOW???" It is a staple in our system that if a guest is unsatisfied with something, then a manager needs to know. That is how any restaurant maintains customer satisfaction with quality, especially with the insane amount of volume we do here. This was the first any of us are hearing about her "multiple complaints."

It was pretty obvious that she was saying that to try to piss me off and make the kitchen look bad in front of the staff because I've been riding her lately. Her white trashiness is rather transparent most of the time. Again, I pity her ignorance.

#1. If a guest is not happy we always take action. That is how we got this far.

#2. I will not let some hick ruin what we've worked so hard to achieve.

#3. She will undoubtedly be fired sometime, maybe soon. When that day comes I am going to do what I do to the ones who cross me. I'm going to stand outside the door, make her walk right by me on her way out, then watch her take the walk of shame to her pick up truck. All the while wearing a shit eating grin, and I will two simple words, "Good Luck."

I've seen 100's of people come and go through this restaurant. They will never love this place as much as I do. They will never sacrifice as much as I do. They will never know what it takes to hold this place together. And eventually they will realize that if they go toe to toe with me, they will inevitably lose.

You know what your problem is?

I feel one of my biggest weaknesses is that I talk too loud about the things that are bothering me.

In conquering this weakness I've been trying to keep these two things in mind:

1. When something feels wrong, it most of the time is wrong.

2. Choose your battles carefully.

I am open to any other advice.

A Temperature by any other name

How many ways can it possibly be ordered?

1. Black and Blue

2. Pittsburgh Rare

3. Charred Rare

4. Chicago Rare

5. Burnt, but still Mooing

6. Blue Rare

7. Bloody Rare

8. Bloody as Hell

And it never fails. However it is ordered, somebody gets confused by what the guest actually wants.

Wild Chinook Salmon

Last week we brought in 30 whole salmon, 4 halibut (40 lbs each), and 6 albacore that myself and my lead cooks broke down.

Most of the salmon came from the Oregon coast around Coos Bay. It is wild chinook caught by our esteemed fisherman. He is a wonderful guy who really cares about the species. He participates in a salmon preservation program with Oregon State University. Every fish he catches gets a tag with a bar code and number. You can look up the number to find the exact location of the catch, how deep the water is, and the health of the fish by the scale samples our fisherman sends OSU after each day on the water. Our fisherman also caught us the albacore, first of the season.

30 fucking salmon. It was pretty fucking awesome. We took off the sides. We saved the collars and bellies for the smoked salmon rillette on our menu. Pin boning 30 salmon takes some time. It can become very zen.

We used 28 sides yesterday for a BBQ event for our wine club. We had 200 each dinner portions and lunch portions for our restaurant menu. They are almost all gone. Just a few frozen back stock portions. 30 fucking salmon, gone.

The flesh on a lot of them was such a gorgeous red. You can't beat wild fish. Hatchery is gross. I have little doubt our salmon is some of the best you could possibly get in the whole country. We get it 12 hours out of the water. It goes on plates 16 hours after being out of the water.

I really enjoyed hanging out in the charcuterie kitchen with my favorite cooks showing off our skills in breaking down these majestic fish. It took us 7 hours to do all that fish from whole to vac pack. This is the kind of activity that makes working in such a busy place totally worth it. It is an experience I wouldn't get at another restaurant.

I'm looking forward to this weeks catch.

holy god, are we all still alive?

i can't believe i haven't posted on here in--HOLY SHIT--i just looked it up, i haven't posted since december.  first and foremost, apologies for slacking, i've at least posted on my blog a few times this year, but i've left all ya'll hanging.  part of it is, for the first time in a long while, i absolutely love my job.  it's easier to blog when you have shitty things that you're mad about kicking around your brain.  it's not so fun to read a post that says "work was great today!  the end!"  but for the most part, work is great.  and i could get on here and say what a great time i had and try to describe everything that was funny all day, but somehow, holding a link sausage where your penis is and having your boss take a bite of it doesn't sound as funny in print as it is in person.  anyway, i decided i was gonna try to actually list everything that makes me laugh at work.  busting out prep and tickets is great, and it's what i do, and i'm good at it, but i like to liven it up a bit, and all my bosses like me cause of my "intangibles", and i got a lot of em.  i keep it light when things get tense.  ok, anyway, if any of you have read my blog recently, you know that i like to try to put stickers on people's backs.  feta stickers, goat cheese stickers, day dots, whatever.  since we all wear black tshirts i also like to flour up my hands and slap people on the back or grab their titties (mostly caddy, but he's got big fluffy tits that are always tempting me).  another thing we do is take literally anything and hold it up like it's your cock and catch somebody's eye and go "...get it?  like it's my cock!"  it's great when it's a 16 inch chunk of andoullie, but it's also acceptable with tiny link sausages (those are the most accurate for myself) and it just gets funnier and funnier the more random things you use...hotel spoons, whisks, 10 lb beef chubs, full tenderloin pismos (which we lovingly refer to as horse cocks).  bonus points if you use a frozen sausage and manage to rub it on someone's arm or, god willing, their cheek (if they are reaching in a lowboy).  i also like to put tater tots on my tits and ask if anybody else is cold.  i've been known to shove a baguette down my pants and stand in the server station.  most of us have nicknames too...that's always fun.  my crew includes caddy, bee-ree (his name is billy but for some reason i always yell his name in a super racist asian accent...also know as hillbilly, swillbilly, and chillbilly), fuckin matty (we don't really get along, so i'm always exasperated when i'm referring to him), ben jammin, thomaswithpenis (we have a hummus and pita dish we always yell out as "hummuswithpita" and it's not a stretch to get "thomaswithpenis"), shay-z, ryo, nico, turtle, and our km has many different names...lor-bear, baby boo, tough guy, the little guy, short round are just a few.  i'm usually referred to by my last name, but i get called panama and panama red all the time.  panama; cause it's my favorite van halen song (and possibly my favorite song ever), and panama red because i have red hair and also i...eh...well, you know. 

god, what else do we do?  we make a lot of gay jokes, but not like, toward gay people, just joking about how we are gay...for instance today a bartender went and bought bread at the store for us and brought back some glazed donut holes and all day long i kept talking about how i like to glaze caddy's hole.  i like to talk about how little my penis is and how terrible i am in bed, that usually gets positive reactions.  like, "my dick may be short, but at least it's narrow" and "i suck in bed but at least i'm quick about it..."  lately i've been throwing frill picks at my prep guy (a long time ago i learned how to throw them like darts, and i can put one through a to-go box at twenty feet).  i can also snap towels so hard they rip pants.

we have a lot of little games we play but it's taken me so long to write this i had too many beers and forgot our games.  but anyway.  rest assured, it's fun as hell in my kitchen.  i laugh more than i bitch, and any day that happens is a good day.  oh, and we also rock four grand brunches the whole time.  serving eight dollar plates.

what do you guys do for fun in the kitchen?

how does a bad day get worse?

100 degrees with 100% humidity for the next three days. The bathroom at work will hit 115-120. You can just stand in there and sweat it out. Good luck to anyone else in this heat.

thingsthatmakemehappy.com

Only had to wait 4 months and cost 31 cents a recipe.

I thought the team life sticker was great.

I was overwhelmed the first two days, but today I am actually reading chapters. The detail is amazing and almost a bit of overload at times.

food reviewers

So... Mr. big shot food reviewer finally had enough visits to write a review on my place. He has been telling everyone how much he liked it but he will not review us since the Chef left. That is bullshit. If the NY Giants win the Superbowl this year and Eli leaves afterwards you can't take the Superbowl away. That review is as much for the EC as it is for the sous, servers, prep, and dishwasher. He is coming back in October, and I am sure he will dangle the carrot about a review that will never happen. If he wouldn't write a review after three visits with the old chef, he won't write one after one visit with the new Chef. Fuck him!!!

New Boss

I have never been anywhere when a new EC was brought in. I hate it. Just shut up and learn what's going on. Ask questions instead giving orders. Things can change but not right away, you don't even know what should be changed. What I really hate is that he acts completely different when the owner walks in. I don't play that game, not because I don't know how, but because I am not 22 years old.

I am feel very weird about leaving. I have learned so much at work over the past 18 months that I feel obligated to stay through the new guys "training". But what is the appropriate time to stay? To long and I risk not caring, to short and I will be the dick who left. Life is hard.... Any and all input is welcome.

changing times

There's scuttlebutt that we need to change our venue because our anonymity has been compromised.  I'd like to keep this beautifully poignant name, but I also cannot allow our words to be subjected to scrutiny or our employment to ever be at risk.  If we can come up with a suitable substitute, I will put the KC moniker on eBay and use the proceeds to get us more space.  Chime in, please.

bad mojo

Happy holiday, Chefs!  I'm sure most of you are enjoying the three (or four) day weekend busting your ass while all the FOH managers get their rest.  In any case, I miss posting and I feel like I'm letting the team down.  In that vein, I promise a slew of new and untold thoughts and feelings once I catch my breath at the new venue.
Since I've been back to work, I haven't been perusing the motherload of all labor that is CraigsList food/bev/hosp.  I forgot how much I have missed it.  I live in a pretty big town that wants to be a city.  There aren't any other cities, so they've really got carte blanche.  The food doesn't suck so much anymore and the effort is obvious, ambitious and boring at the same time.  I giggle when a new chef comes to an old restaurant and tries to post new and exciting ads for Farm to Table (jumping the shark), "scratch kitchen" chefs with three relevant industry references and no drama.  Don't you know where you are, dude?  Every good chef is taken.  The only assholes you're going to get (some great chefs amongst for sure) can only get a job in this town if a new restaurant opens.  The corollary is the joints that are hiring a new Sous every six weeks.  Go figure.  I guess the ad didn't mention 6day/75hr work weeks and that you're the fifth dude/dudette to take the job in the last six months.  Ask around, people.  This place is small and incestous and we like it that way. 

Changing of the guard

In all my years in this business I have never been at a restaurant during a head chef transition. I spend an hour commuting each day and I think about what will happen when he comes. What will the first day be like? What will my (new?) roll be? How long will it take for him to be trained? When will my next day off be?

Over the past few weeks our current EC has become lazier. I sensed something was up, but quitting was not what I was thinking. He had the easiest EC job on the East Coast. No other EC, at a restaurant of this caliber, works 40 hours a week, doesn't have to do the ordering or inventory. Food Cost is almost not an issue, imagine that. He has to make the schedule and plate food.

This made me think of all the times I left jobs. I haven't always worked to the best of my abilities and that bothers me now. Integrity points should double once you give your notice. I remember when two previous co-workers left my current employer. They both worked like they would be there the following day. What a selfless and mature way to end. Lets just say that is not happening right now. Coming in late and spending allot of time checking food blogs the norm, however the whistling continues.

The new EC's start date is uncertain, but I am planning for the worst and hoping for the best. I do know that this will make for some great post in the future.

Post Saturday Dinner Service

The guys on the line did real good that night. We ran a special with some pork chops off a whole pig we got from Laughing Stock farms. We brined, smoked, and chargrilled the chops then served it up with creme fraiche spaetzle, confit asparagus, and porcini daube. This sunset happened at 8:50 pm. Our guests got to watch this happen as they were eating and sipping wine. It sure does take the pressure off, however it feels extra good when the food goes out so nicely.

5 minute rule

So the never fucking ending saga of Slingblade continues. I don't really want to go into examples but is he is dumb and getting dumber. Aside from is lack of retaining information he moves very fast in order to seem busy or to impress others, I am not really sure. Teaching him is pointless, he forgets everything minutes after you tell him. I am sorry to report I have given up trying. I hate to quit, but I need to move on and focus on my job. I try and find jobs that will occupy large portions of his day.

During my commute time, an hour, I try and think of new ways to make him more helpful to everyone around us. Boom it hit me...5 Minutes!!! If he, or any employee, spent 5 extra minutes a shift they could go from an OK worker to a valuable team member.

When Slingblade puts his/our mise away he often doesn't label things or even put them in appropriate sized storage containers. This would take a total of a minute through out the day. When he puts the entire collection of mise(a large sheet tray) 25 seconds could be spent looking to see if the tray fits instead of forcing the tray where it doesn't belong. Reading the prep list, 10 seconds, before making a trip to the walk-in to retrieve not only the "lemon" he needs for this prep item, but the other "lemon" he will need for the next task on the prep list would actually save him the 30 seconds it takes to walk to the walk-in. So by spending 10 seconds he gains 30, not bad.

The idea is that if just a small amount of time is spent doing every task a little better then great things WILL happen for the entire team. Five minutes doesn't sound like allot of time.... because it isn't when you are working a 10+ hour shift. Just a little extra bit of "I care" goes along way.

What I trade "my weekends" for.....

With every menu change we like to invite the service staff and wine educators to come experience a tasting of the whole menu. I've learned to be at peace with doing a menu tasting even though it always falls on what would be my weekend (even saying "my weekend" is stupid, because I only actually get a two day weekend once a month or so). The week before the menu tasting our lead server and assistant dining room manager work hard putting together menu notes to allow the servers to study and be prepared to ask questions.

This past Wednesday we geared up and ran the menu tasting. As usual Chef and I then visited with the service staff to discuss changes and amendments to their menu notes. We have 15 servers. When we got to the conference room we were shocked to see 35 people in there! There were bussers, food runners, stockers, people I've never met, and people I thought didn't even work here anymore. Needless to say, the servers didn't really get to taste all the food because it had to be shared with twice as many people.

I was told that all those people were invited (though nobody could alert me or Chef in advance). While trying to field questions I realized that the majority of those people did not even bother to read the menu notes. I got the nagging suspicion that this menu tasting on my fucking day off was a waste of time. To prove this we've been asking very basic questions to our staff during pre-service line up. THEY ALL KEEP BOTCHING THE EASIEST QUESTIONS ABOUT THE MENU! Even our senior FOH staff members, who we need to set the example, obviously did not even bother to read the menu. One question, "Name two vegetarian items on the lunch menu." Even though there are 4 vegetarian options, the server could not even name one. Another question, "Name one item on the lunch menu." They couldn't answer it. This was the trend all weekend when quizzing our FOH staff.

Needless to say I'm really really fucking annoyed by this. We have a standard that myself, Chef, and a couple others have worked really hard to maintain. Yet our senior FOH staff members just don't care. One of them told me yesterday, "It is unfair to put us on the spot during line up, and doing so makes the staff upset and therefore makes for a poor service."

Our dining room manager is "short on staff" so that person who said that still has her job. My frustration is beyond the point of ever doing another menu tasting ever again.

What is even more fucked up is that our dining room manager invited those who couldn't make it to the tasting for another one tomorrow. They think it is "unfair" that they couldn't attend the last one. I was recently told that I "don't feel anything anymore." I'm beginning to believe it.

Whistling

Whistling might the single most irritating noise someone can make with their body during a 12 hour shift.

A few errors

The writers of Modernist Cuisine are issuing a few corrections to their 6 volume masterpiece. Actually 368 and counting.

Here is the link: http://modernistcuisine.com/about-modernist-cuisine/corrections-and-clarifications/

Top Chef

Congratulations to Top Chef Richard Blais. In my opinion he was the best this season. His creativity and playful twists on classic dishes made him my favorite and I think it made him the favorite to win the title among the other chefs as well. Good luck to him and his future endeavours.

Top Chef is a entertaining show that tells us nothing about working in a restaurant. Eighty percent of my job is fixing problems. Give them ten pounds of overcooked steak to make something tasty. Cheddar beer dip.. made with cream cheese, fix that. I also think they should build a pantry throughout the challenges. So if the contestants have $300 to spend at local upscale grocery store and only need $250, let them buy a few things to keep around for the following challenges. It would show a level of planning that all kitchen works must have. This one apron, two chefs gimmicky stuff is dumb. What else would make a good challenge?

More Padma in a bikini.

A new guy and a new restaurant

So it has been some time since we lost half of our culinary team. They were both replaced with unqualified cooks which made us work harder to get the same amount of work done. Well an old employee has returned from the west coast and has been rehired. He is come with high praises from the owner and only left because the previous chef was a first-class douche bag. If this new guy gets back into the groove quickly then he could be my key to coming in at 1pm instead of 11am. BUT... He is a hardcore alcoholic and it shows. He has that Irish tan, red blotchy cheeks, that you only get from drinking mind-numbing amounts of booze everyday alone in a crappy motel that gives a break if you pay by the week. He has been working at another restaurant down the street and I have heard stories that he drinks 12 packs during Friday night service, yet never gets to wasted. Part of me is happy is there, and another part of me knows he will let us down at the worst possible time. He apparently is very abrasive and rude to everyone he works with. I wonder how long until he tells the House wife to shut the F-up? She was talking up a storm to him on Monday and I could see he was hungover and in no mood for her BS. And for the record his food looks beautiful.

His arrival has brought up another old discussion in the kitchen. The new place is set to open in less then 2 weeks and they are seriously lacking in the BOH. Good line cooks especially are hard to find right now. If I was a line cook I would not want to open a new place. All the extra headaches of finding places for things and putting systems in place is extra work which you will not be compensated for. So, either the Chef or myself will need to go up there for at least a month. I can't decide what I want to do. Surrounding myself with people smarter and more talented then me will make me better. What scares me is the work involved in opening a new restaurant. Actually it is not the work, but the amount of covers. I hear numbers like three-four hundred and that makes me nauseous. Those types of number are a months worth of covers at my place. Is working the line like riding a bike? Opening a new place is a pain too, it is like being the new guy along with a bunch of other new guys who can't find anything either. Everyone walks around like idiots backtracking and rechecking places looking for that one missing ingredient only to find it in the station next to you.

Another part of me wants to leave so the EC will be stuck with his boy Slingblade, 6 days a week. Fucking someone should never be a reason to do anything, but it is a nice little bonus to me leaving for a bit. Would it be weird for a EC to leave his restaurant for that long? he does live five minutes from the new place and he could easily go there. I could care less if he was there or not, more would get done in less time without him taking up space. I am overly confident in my ability to run our kitchen in his absence. But would I be shorting myself in the long run by not going to learn at the new place? The Chef there is a Jedi and is willing to share his knowledge with anyone who will listen.

those guys

   There's a huge commotion in the food world every day, but it seems like there's a lot going on these days and unprecedented amounts of energy going into what eventually winds up on the plates.  I'm so proud of (more like frighteningly awed by) the levels some people are taking their passion these days.  In particular, Shola Olunloyo and the young boys from Seattle seem to be changing the landscape and exponentially raising the bar with their experimentation and balls out redefinition of what the culinary world is probably going to start calling Modernist Cuisine.   It's out of my league (not to mention my pocketbook and restaurant cost structure), but I'm beyond f'ing intrigued and obviously quite proud of my fellow KC'ers who are taking new strides and never tire of throwing new food in the face of foodies.  I never liked the molecular gastronomy tag and it turned a lot of people off because of the assumed pretense.  Kind of like skiing makes little sense to even the best athletes from Little Rock.  
       In any case, this post is really to just to welcome a couple of new chefs to the fold.  I sincerely look forward to the next wave of insight and I would love to hear what's on some Spring menus.

that guy

That guy has foresight. When he's around, shit gets done even if he's not the one doing it. Unfortunately, when he's not around, very little gets accomplished and any "getting ahead" is unheard of. He may be the owner, the Exec, the CdC or the Sous, but when he's not there, things don't happen for some reason.  When he (Jah forbid) takes two days off in a row, he comes back to a huge prep list and all the "getting ahead" in the kitchen's savings account has been depleted.  Items that take three days to order, receive, possibly thaw, prep, chill, vacuum seal, whatever and complete are just beginning the journey on that slow road. Most kitchen staff, especially the lazy ones (even if they're the boss), tend to have it in for that guy.  They can't really explain why, just something to do with the fact that he keeps them on their toes and never lets them slack like their human nature wants.  They don't even realize they're not slacking when he's there, but don't try explaining this.  It takes less than ten minutes to start to-morrow's prep list, scribble out the beginning's of the next orders and do a rudimentary freezer pull.  You can even do it after you change your clothes, check Foobooz and you can even do it with a cocktail already on ice.  That guy drives a train that you can't and helps the professional kitchen by making sure that dozens of components mesh somehow and it really is easier if you just listen to him and let him run his show.  Even if you're the boss.  (Rumor has it that some kitchens have more than that guy ("those guys?"), but I don't buy it.)

you might be a shoemaker.....

We've all done it, but some hack chefs actually brag about it. (The less time it takes to make sauce X or stuffed Y, the more cigarettes you can smoke by the dumpster.)

....if you think the only way to make hollandaise is in a blender.
....if fruit salsa means chopping a cup of canned pineapple and mixing it with pico de gallo (tomato's a fruit, right?)
....if you've ever put green beans and baby carrots on a veggie pizza.
....if combining garlic powder and mayonnaise magically equals aioli.
....if the difference between medium rare and medium is just a little more pressure on the spatula
....if buying demi-glace in a bag, box, packet or tub doesn't bother you
....if you think baked custards turn out just fine without a water bath
....if heating things up in a steam table is SOP

more cookbooks

My favorite cookbook right now. The biggest discussion at work is how to pronounce the name.

my two cents

some of my faves as well...lately my thing has been finding old cookbooks at garage sales.  that copy of joy of cooking is from 1964 and has notes scribbled on almost every page.  obviously i've never made anything from the french laundry cookbook, but it's nice to look at.  the butte heritage cookbook is a collection of ethnic recipes from one of the most badass towns in american history, and virtually all of my childhood favorites came out of it.  i also have a rachel ray book that my wife likes and a ton of shitty books i got at tjmaxx for two bucks apiece.

Some of my favorites

Pants on Fire

It really bothers me when people blatantly lie on their resume. We live in a small town. We know every chef in town. A little fudge of the truth can most of the time be "interpretive." A recent resume we got was outrageous.

The little fucker used to work here. He was our weakest link and was on the chopping block after I later found out he lied about graduating culinary school. He knew his time was coming so he put in his notice and quit. Good riddance.

I put an ad out for a cook and the dip shit sent me his resume. When describing his job here it said things like: "managed the kitchen while the executive chef was away," "had full creative control over the menu," and "managed the pantry, saute, grill, and catering staff." First off the little bag of dicks only worked the pantry and struggled horribly with it. He was nowhere near ready to even get a shift on the grill, saute, or catering let alone "manage" those appointments.

What was most disturbing was the claim that he was number two after our executive chef. That really bothered our executive chef. So much that he wrote to the fuck wad and gave him his strong professional opinion about his resume, his cooking ability, and his future as a cook. Out of respect to my chef I will not repeat what he said on this blog. It was wonderfully harsh, but honest. Here is the the cock hole's response:

"I'm competing with hundreds of other cooks every time I apply. I had only just built the new resume, so I lied my ass off in hopes to at least just find any position."

He then said some things to Chef that almost warranted an ass kicking by our staff. Our staff would surely fuck somebody up for Chef. Without surprise Chef found what he said to be hilarious. He is still laughing about it. I myself am still a little pissed off by it. Several times I've received resumes and calls about resumes to find out that someone who used to work here is claiming they were the "Sous Chef." It never bothered me before. This one kind of does.

In retaliation I'm going to contact every fine dining chef in town and black ball that little mother fucker. Then I'm going to do the same to the cafe and institutional chefs that I know in town. He's been unemployed since he quit here in early January. He can't seem to find a job. It is about to get a lot worse for him.

Essential part of success

Integrity:

is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes.

-it means doing the right thing when no one is looking.

-remaking a product when you know the outcome is not up to YOUR standards.

-when just "getting it done" is not good enough for you.

Happy March Chefs!

Top 10 small staff awesomeness

10. the "sketch" isn't necesssary
9 reiterating rotation and FIFO with the prep guy means talking to yourself in the walk-in
8. shift meal costs are nominal @ best
7. Initaling the prep list is profoundly unneccesary
6. staff meetings can take place while you (pretend to) sleep
5. "who the f mised this line?" = you're talking to yourself again
4. never wondering who'll be there to receive produce
3. no one cares if your iPod is 94% live Phish
2. no one fights for the glorious title of Chief Blame Coordinator
1. "high" payroll is never mentioned in ANY conversation

new and different frustrations

  I'm backing to working lunch and dinner like the old days, but now I have a family that suffers because of it just as much as I do.  The punchline is that none of it seems to be working for anyone involved and there is nothing worse than coming home after twelve or more hours and feeling like an unaccomplished piece of shit.  Wait...there is one thing worse: being the aforementioned UPoS that has to go back in the morning and do it all over again.  Being understaffed can be fun for a minute and eliminates the confusion about "who did what," but it also gets old very quickly, especially when you get called out for not working fourteen hours instead of thirteen.


P.S. I haven't had ten thousand hits since the early 90's.

Guess what I am going to do next?

HINT: it took me less time than it did to upload this photo

don't forget to give your sous a reach around

Happy Valentine's Day "Weekend," Chefs.  I don't know who's open Sunday or not, but I know that some of you have four days of pain in the forecast.  Just know that (a) your menus are awesome, (b) you're going to get through it no matter what, (c) you are definitely badass enough to pump out as many deuces as they can fit in the f'ing building, (d) your poor servers will be able to prepay their rent for March and April  (e) it won't happen again for 360+ days and, most importantly, (f) it's okay to give your boy a card or box of muddy chocolate in front of the rest of the staff without it being officially construed as a "bromance."  Imagine how good it will feel when we wake up Tuesday morning....Wait, now I'm looking forward to Tuesday? (www.ImustBeFucked.com)

Sunday boardom

I had plenty of free time yesterday at work and decided to break out the meat glue. This bag of Activa RM has been here for a month and I have only made one dish so far with it, Sushi shaped shrimp cocktail. Chopped shrimp and activa spread out thin and sous vide to make a sheet, pulled it out of the bag sprinkled more activa and then pipped some cocktail gelee on it. Rolled it and sliced it. Anyway today I wanted to do more, I took pheasant tenderloin and mixed it with salt, curry powder, and meat glue. Rolled it, cooked it, seared it, sliced it.

Each piece of pheasant is distinct. Imagine if the pheasant was spilt-up and cured with different spices(colors), they would become a beautiful mosaic.

Here is the finished plate: pheasant, seared fennel mostarda, carrots infused with fennel seed butter, and reduced apple cider

Saturday Brunch. Enough said.

I make a conscious effort to always understand everyone's point of view. A good chef is observant and bias to no employee, only the guests. I'm certain my staff appreciates my respect for their interests. I do so more than any other manager in my restaurant. It's works best for me because I am also there more than any other manager in the restaurant. I am always doing my best to look out for the best interests of the restaurant. When I observe that something is not right I most of the time address it purely out of instinct.

We changed the brunch menu today. When I got to work today the kitchen crew was behind the ball. No big deal. I helped them finish their mise en place by service while we discussed ways to get it done sooner. I made a sample of one of the new dishes for the staff. I headed into the dining room with the dish 15 minutes after we were open and noticed the FOH scrambling to get set for service. They weren't even in uniform. Scrambling in their civilian clothes. I immediately asked the first server I saw (who is always chill) why he wasn't in his nice clothes and he snapped at me about being in the weeds getting set up. I immediately went to his manager and he didn't even notice his dining room wasn't set. or maybe didn't think it was important. This exact scenario played out last Saturday as well. Two Saturdays in a row we had guests in the building that had to watch us scramble. That is how highly we think of our first guests on the busiest day of the week.

My staff is never ready by service without my help. Why? Because as soon as they figure out how to get ready on time I throw something else at them. Today was a new brunch menu. Today was also a crab special. They had to break down whole crabs for service. Messy. Last weekend was shucking oysters. I keep them polished in the winter. They will thank me later.

I was trying to explain this management tool to the FOH manager today. He is a wonderful colleague and I really enjoy working with him. He is also a little green and doesn't always see the peripheral duties of management. He needs to keep a fire lit behind his employee's asses at all times or they will get lazy and mess up what we've worked so hard to achieve.

"We've got the rules down now, and we're done learning how to speak.

We're on top of a cliff, and we're wondering if we should leap."

Quote of the day... possibly the year

"Save it for the day crew" Ms Tangle.

This is what a seasoned server said about putting away soup at the end of the night. We have a small retail section which we stock with soups, sausage, pasta, and cheese. It is the FOH staffs job to put the food out for retail. They don't have to make the soup or heat it up, they just put it away.

I only was able to get a few hours sleep last night. I woke at one point and could not stop repeating that quote. As soon as my eyes close I see "Save it for the day crew" written on the back of my eyelids. I am ready to scream. What the hell is wrong with people? This isn't some untrained noob, she has a restaurant management degree, the same one I have. I must have skipped class on the day this technique was taught.

You could say his statement sums up the fundamental problems with society. No one cares about how they effect their neighbor, it is all about ME.

I am truly worried about my restaurant. With the owner opening another place who will light a fire under peoples ass'? It is obvious that employees cannot be left to do small tasks unsupervised.

Treading water

In late October we lost half of our four man culinary team. This was a huge blow to us, we all got along great and loved to work together. We could predict each other movements and help each other without even asking. People come and go in this business and I wish no ill will on either of these gentlemen, I still talk with them both frequently. The problem is who replaced them and why they are still employed.

Replacement number one was a house wife who is "sponsored" and does not need to work. She plays kitchen on a daily basis and needs to supervised to keep her from changing recipes and fucking up the whole place. She worked 9.5 hours on monday and made 12 salads and 3 soups thats it. That is five maybe six hours of work if you had one arm.

The other replacement was the sauicer from a hack French place about 30 minutes away. Mr Saucier, Slingblade, was supposed to work 3 days and two nights. Learning a new restaurants procedures takes time and hard work on all parties involved. He has no desire to work hard, his old restaurant was a " as long as it gets done who cares if it is any good" kind of place. Fucking McDonalds has better standards then this guy. Well he can't really cook to much(or make a sauce to save his life) and we have now changed everyones schedule to 4 nights and one day so he can be monitored. It was fine for a while but we are going to be getting busier and busier and I am not sure what the hell will happen. Someone needs to be on day shift everyday and get a flow going. Sometimes I prep dinner alone and the chef and slingblade will work on catering. I don't mind this now but it will burn me out fast when the spring time catering rush hits us and we have three huge catering orders a day. Plus we are denying some catering orders as it is because of the staff and we need that income now.

I am really sick of playing defense all the time. I want to be playing offense and knocking this shit out of the park but I can't. Being ready for problems instead of reacting to them when they pop-up. There will always be problems we can't predict but when there are ones we can we need to nip them in the butt. It sounds like a easy fix, fire everyone and start over. BUT... our new restaurant opens in two months and the owner will not be around to interview or approve any new hire. Oh, the housewife and the owners are friends so tight in fact that the housewives husband is doing work on the owners house. It is funny, he also works at a snails pace. He is of course sponsored too. Then there is Slingblade who happens to super tight with the EC. Gay references have gotten old with these two. Maybe I need to leave and work somewhere else, or I need to take one for the team and move to day shift. More then likely I will be working day shift. I don't mind it so much but I will miss dinner. I am much more confident in my abilities then I was six months ago. Day shift is much busier and definitely the hardest job we have. Slingblade of course will think he can cook better that is why he will be on nights. Oh well maybe this is a sign I am maturing as a person, getting to tired to put up a fight, or just getting dumber....

We lost a great man today

The first day I worked for Mike West I remember my immediate admiration. He was whisking a dressing in a large mixing bowl while doing business over his cell phone. He had the bowl in one hand, the whisk in the other and the cell phone held by his head and shoulder. He was talking casually while using a creative mix of profanity. As soon as he hung up he immediately came over and introduced himself. I could tell he was a down to earth cowboy with a true love for the restaurant industry. He shot straight from the hip. He was a solid mentor who smelled like hickory smoke.

I felt right at home on my first day in his kitchen. He treated his team like family. He told me, "Our first priority is to make sure every single person who walks through that door is satisfied. Our second priority is to have fun with it." He treated his cooks very well. He made sure we were happy and well fed. He went out of his way for us. One day he saw me at work bummed out cause I lost my wallet the night before. He offered me $50 out of his own pocket and told me to take the day off to deal with getting a new license and calling my credit cards. He had a lot of cooks at several restaurants and he was quick to do that for me. He was a very generous man.

The first day working for him was hallmarked by my first taste of his baby back ribs. They were fucking delicious. So good that we still to this day use his recipes when we make ribs and bbq sauce at our restaurant. Coincidentally, we have a catering tonight who requested those ribs and sauce. I was telling a cook about that recipe and Mike just yesterday. We are proud to carry on his legacy.

I caught wind that the big fella died this morning. My heart goes out to his family, especially his son, KC's own eatlocalfood. I am grateful to have known your father. I am also grateful to have worked for him. I met so many wonderful people while working for him. Still some of the most wonderful people I've met to this day. I'm sure every single one of them is torn up inside just as I am right now. I will never forget your father, his kindness, or his generosity. Thank you Mike. Thank you for everything.

New menu blues

It seems that we always have a problem when the menu changes. I cannot find a reason for this other then laziness. We are not a high volume restaurant, all of us could easily prep one extra item. I just don't understand why we can't start prepping for the new menu a week out. We have the menu a week before it changes. The prep list yesterday was a mile long and filled with items that wold actually have tasted better if they were made a few days out. It just blows my mind that this happens every month. I want/need to know what is going on at all times. Not because I am nosey, but so I can adjust my plan for the hour, day, week which will allow me to produce a better product and therefore make this restaurant better. I am over this running around like an asshole with a blindfold on just hoping to get first dinner service over with. It is hard to produce a attractive plate when you don't know all the components until you start plating. Where's this? Where's that? Well I didn't know it went with this dish. Needless to say after each course I said to myself that it will be better tomorrow.

Near the end of each menu we always say we are going to make a few of the new dishes as Amuse, that never happens. Well folks I am putting a plan into action. I will either make the next menu transition amazingly easy or I will be fired for being a total dick. An advice would be helpful.

Booze For Breakfast

You have to check this out. They have a few videos out now. Fucking smart to keep the haters out. We're about to get drunk from breakfast.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZDv9pgHp8Q

New life for old drug parphernalia

Ice hash extracting bags used to filter a consomme. Cut our filtering time by a few hours. We would normally strain the consomme through a chinos, then chinos with cheesecloth, then a coffee filter. In total about 6 hours(mostly due to the size of the chinos). With this method we could pour all the consomme in at once and it could filter at its own rate. We still put it through a coffee filter, but that took less time due to the filter not needing to be changed more often. The coffee filter also takes all the grease off the top.

how is this guy not 86'd?

so, last wednesday, we were in the middle of party hour (.25 cent wings...and it's actually two hours), and this friggin douchebag comes back into the kitchen and throws his wing basket at us and declares "these are bullshit"

the reason we can sell the wings so cheap is that we aren't guaranteed how big or small they will be, nor what breakdown of wings/legs we get.  and we actually pay 30 cents a piece for them, so we lose money on every single wing we sell.  we hope to get it back in beer sales, and i think we do, but still...  that day they were kinda small.  i admit that.  but we usually toss a couple extra in the basket when we feel they're too small.  if you order 20, you'll probably get 23 or 24.

anyway, those of us in the kitchen really wanted to 86 the guy, and be outside when he got kicked out, and give him a gentle lesson on the cost of dental work and the difficulty of walking home with a broken kneecap.  he came back into our space, and yelled at us in a very aggressive manner.  this does not go over well.  the worst part is that apparently he's an ex-employee (i never worked with him), and by all rights should fucking know better.  actually, the real worst part was that all the servers were passing it off like it was no big deal, like "ah, you just don't know him.  it's okay."  they kept apologizing for his behavior but still acted like it was perfectly acceptable to come into the back and fling his fucking wings at us.  we actually confronted him in the dining room and basically his whole issue was that the wings were small.  he knew full well that we in the kitchen had absolutely no control over how big the wings were...i cook the product that's there for me to cook.  i don't order it, nor do we pick through the wings to make sure they're all big and pretty.

they're a fucking quarter.  deal with it.  they're not going to be huge all the time.  it's still a killer deal, and regardless of how big the wings are, they're good.  anyway, this guy came in on saturday for brunch, and our bar manager let him know that his doucheball antics were not welcome.  however, i don't think he got 86'd.  i'm not sure why not (possibly because ex-employees seem to be treated like royalty at my place, but i digress), and none of us cooks are happy about it.  i don't show up where he works and knock the cock out of his mouth just because it's small, ya know?

ahh...the lowly life of a scrub cook...how it fascinates and frustrates me...

10 things chefs wont tell you

Nothing new. Just a little funny.

http://www.chefgui.com/2009/06/05/10-things-chefs-wont-tell-you/

The Diminishing Birkenstock Profs

Back in 2000 I was turned onto what I thought was the best kitchen shoe ever. I was working at Buckley's Tavern when I got my first pair. This shoe was everything you needed it to be: slip resistant, easy to clean, and no gross laces. That first pair lasted me until 2003. The reason I had to replace them was because of a tear down the middle of the top part of the shoe.

I got my second pair thinking that I would not need to buy another kitchen shoe for another three years. WRONG! I went through at least 4 pairs over the next 3 years. They all tore just like that first pair. Fortunately the store where I purchased them is really cool. If the problem happened within 9 months, they would give me a new pair for free. If it happened after, then they would give me 50% off.

Recently I got a different model by Birkenstock. The shoe is more narrow and seems tougher. That was 9 months ago. They tore last week. Does anyone else use the Birkenstock kitchen shoes? If so, are you having the same issue?