holy god, are we all still alive?

i can't believe i haven't posted on here in--HOLY SHIT--i just looked it up, i haven't posted since december.  first and foremost, apologies for slacking, i've at least posted on my blog a few times this year, but i've left all ya'll hanging.  part of it is, for the first time in a long while, i absolutely love my job.  it's easier to blog when you have shitty things that you're mad about kicking around your brain.  it's not so fun to read a post that says "work was great today!  the end!"  but for the most part, work is great.  and i could get on here and say what a great time i had and try to describe everything that was funny all day, but somehow, holding a link sausage where your penis is and having your boss take a bite of it doesn't sound as funny in print as it is in person.  anyway, i decided i was gonna try to actually list everything that makes me laugh at work.  busting out prep and tickets is great, and it's what i do, and i'm good at it, but i like to liven it up a bit, and all my bosses like me cause of my "intangibles", and i got a lot of em.  i keep it light when things get tense.  ok, anyway, if any of you have read my blog recently, you know that i like to try to put stickers on people's backs.  feta stickers, goat cheese stickers, day dots, whatever.  since we all wear black tshirts i also like to flour up my hands and slap people on the back or grab their titties (mostly caddy, but he's got big fluffy tits that are always tempting me).  another thing we do is take literally anything and hold it up like it's your cock and catch somebody's eye and go "...get it?  like it's my cock!"  it's great when it's a 16 inch chunk of andoullie, but it's also acceptable with tiny link sausages (those are the most accurate for myself) and it just gets funnier and funnier the more random things you use...hotel spoons, whisks, 10 lb beef chubs, full tenderloin pismos (which we lovingly refer to as horse cocks).  bonus points if you use a frozen sausage and manage to rub it on someone's arm or, god willing, their cheek (if they are reaching in a lowboy).  i also like to put tater tots on my tits and ask if anybody else is cold.  i've been known to shove a baguette down my pants and stand in the server station.  most of us have nicknames too...that's always fun.  my crew includes caddy, bee-ree (his name is billy but for some reason i always yell his name in a super racist asian accent...also know as hillbilly, swillbilly, and chillbilly), fuckin matty (we don't really get along, so i'm always exasperated when i'm referring to him), ben jammin, thomaswithpenis (we have a hummus and pita dish we always yell out as "hummuswithpita" and it's not a stretch to get "thomaswithpenis"), shay-z, ryo, nico, turtle, and our km has many different names...lor-bear, baby boo, tough guy, the little guy, short round are just a few.  i'm usually referred to by my last name, but i get called panama and panama red all the time.  panama; cause it's my favorite van halen song (and possibly my favorite song ever), and panama red because i have red hair and also i...eh...well, you know. 

god, what else do we do?  we make a lot of gay jokes, but not like, toward gay people, just joking about how we are gay...for instance today a bartender went and bought bread at the store for us and brought back some glazed donut holes and all day long i kept talking about how i like to glaze caddy's hole.  i like to talk about how little my penis is and how terrible i am in bed, that usually gets positive reactions.  like, "my dick may be short, but at least it's narrow" and "i suck in bed but at least i'm quick about it..."  lately i've been throwing frill picks at my prep guy (a long time ago i learned how to throw them like darts, and i can put one through a to-go box at twenty feet).  i can also snap towels so hard they rip pants.

we have a lot of little games we play but it's taken me so long to write this i had too many beers and forgot our games.  but anyway.  rest assured, it's fun as hell in my kitchen.  i laugh more than i bitch, and any day that happens is a good day.  oh, and we also rock four grand brunches the whole time.  serving eight dollar plates.

what do you guys do for fun in the kitchen?