A Temperature by any other name

How many ways can it possibly be ordered?

1. Black and Blue

2. Pittsburgh Rare

3. Charred Rare

4. Chicago Rare

5. Burnt, but still Mooing

6. Blue Rare

7. Bloody Rare

8. Bloody as Hell

And it never fails. However it is ordered, somebody gets confused by what the guest actually wants.

Wild Chinook Salmon

Last week we brought in 30 whole salmon, 4 halibut (40 lbs each), and 6 albacore that myself and my lead cooks broke down.

Most of the salmon came from the Oregon coast around Coos Bay. It is wild chinook caught by our esteemed fisherman. He is a wonderful guy who really cares about the species. He participates in a salmon preservation program with Oregon State University. Every fish he catches gets a tag with a bar code and number. You can look up the number to find the exact location of the catch, how deep the water is, and the health of the fish by the scale samples our fisherman sends OSU after each day on the water. Our fisherman also caught us the albacore, first of the season.

30 fucking salmon. It was pretty fucking awesome. We took off the sides. We saved the collars and bellies for the smoked salmon rillette on our menu. Pin boning 30 salmon takes some time. It can become very zen.

We used 28 sides yesterday for a BBQ event for our wine club. We had 200 each dinner portions and lunch portions for our restaurant menu. They are almost all gone. Just a few frozen back stock portions. 30 fucking salmon, gone.

The flesh on a lot of them was such a gorgeous red. You can't beat wild fish. Hatchery is gross. I have little doubt our salmon is some of the best you could possibly get in the whole country. We get it 12 hours out of the water. It goes on plates 16 hours after being out of the water.

I really enjoyed hanging out in the charcuterie kitchen with my favorite cooks showing off our skills in breaking down these majestic fish. It took us 7 hours to do all that fish from whole to vac pack. This is the kind of activity that makes working in such a busy place totally worth it. It is an experience I wouldn't get at another restaurant.

I'm looking forward to this weeks catch.

holy god, are we all still alive?

i can't believe i haven't posted on here in--HOLY SHIT--i just looked it up, i haven't posted since december.  first and foremost, apologies for slacking, i've at least posted on my blog a few times this year, but i've left all ya'll hanging.  part of it is, for the first time in a long while, i absolutely love my job.  it's easier to blog when you have shitty things that you're mad about kicking around your brain.  it's not so fun to read a post that says "work was great today!  the end!"  but for the most part, work is great.  and i could get on here and say what a great time i had and try to describe everything that was funny all day, but somehow, holding a link sausage where your penis is and having your boss take a bite of it doesn't sound as funny in print as it is in person.  anyway, i decided i was gonna try to actually list everything that makes me laugh at work.  busting out prep and tickets is great, and it's what i do, and i'm good at it, but i like to liven it up a bit, and all my bosses like me cause of my "intangibles", and i got a lot of em.  i keep it light when things get tense.  ok, anyway, if any of you have read my blog recently, you know that i like to try to put stickers on people's backs.  feta stickers, goat cheese stickers, day dots, whatever.  since we all wear black tshirts i also like to flour up my hands and slap people on the back or grab their titties (mostly caddy, but he's got big fluffy tits that are always tempting me).  another thing we do is take literally anything and hold it up like it's your cock and catch somebody's eye and go "...get it?  like it's my cock!"  it's great when it's a 16 inch chunk of andoullie, but it's also acceptable with tiny link sausages (those are the most accurate for myself) and it just gets funnier and funnier the more random things you use...hotel spoons, whisks, 10 lb beef chubs, full tenderloin pismos (which we lovingly refer to as horse cocks).  bonus points if you use a frozen sausage and manage to rub it on someone's arm or, god willing, their cheek (if they are reaching in a lowboy).  i also like to put tater tots on my tits and ask if anybody else is cold.  i've been known to shove a baguette down my pants and stand in the server station.  most of us have nicknames too...that's always fun.  my crew includes caddy, bee-ree (his name is billy but for some reason i always yell his name in a super racist asian accent...also know as hillbilly, swillbilly, and chillbilly), fuckin matty (we don't really get along, so i'm always exasperated when i'm referring to him), ben jammin, thomaswithpenis (we have a hummus and pita dish we always yell out as "hummuswithpita" and it's not a stretch to get "thomaswithpenis"), shay-z, ryo, nico, turtle, and our km has many different names...lor-bear, baby boo, tough guy, the little guy, short round are just a few.  i'm usually referred to by my last name, but i get called panama and panama red all the time.  panama; cause it's my favorite van halen song (and possibly my favorite song ever), and panama red because i have red hair and also i...eh...well, you know. 

god, what else do we do?  we make a lot of gay jokes, but not like, toward gay people, just joking about how we are gay...for instance today a bartender went and bought bread at the store for us and brought back some glazed donut holes and all day long i kept talking about how i like to glaze caddy's hole.  i like to talk about how little my penis is and how terrible i am in bed, that usually gets positive reactions.  like, "my dick may be short, but at least it's narrow" and "i suck in bed but at least i'm quick about it..."  lately i've been throwing frill picks at my prep guy (a long time ago i learned how to throw them like darts, and i can put one through a to-go box at twenty feet).  i can also snap towels so hard they rip pants.

we have a lot of little games we play but it's taken me so long to write this i had too many beers and forgot our games.  but anyway.  rest assured, it's fun as hell in my kitchen.  i laugh more than i bitch, and any day that happens is a good day.  oh, and we also rock four grand brunches the whole time.  serving eight dollar plates.

what do you guys do for fun in the kitchen?

how does a bad day get worse?

100 degrees with 100% humidity for the next three days. The bathroom at work will hit 115-120. You can just stand in there and sweat it out. Good luck to anyone else in this heat.

thingsthatmakemehappy.com

Only had to wait 4 months and cost 31 cents a recipe.

I thought the team life sticker was great.

I was overwhelmed the first two days, but today I am actually reading chapters. The detail is amazing and almost a bit of overload at times.

food reviewers

So... Mr. big shot food reviewer finally had enough visits to write a review on my place. He has been telling everyone how much he liked it but he will not review us since the Chef left. That is bullshit. If the NY Giants win the Superbowl this year and Eli leaves afterwards you can't take the Superbowl away. That review is as much for the EC as it is for the sous, servers, prep, and dishwasher. He is coming back in October, and I am sure he will dangle the carrot about a review that will never happen. If he wouldn't write a review after three visits with the old chef, he won't write one after one visit with the new Chef. Fuck him!!!

New Boss

I have never been anywhere when a new EC was brought in. I hate it. Just shut up and learn what's going on. Ask questions instead giving orders. Things can change but not right away, you don't even know what should be changed. What I really hate is that he acts completely different when the owner walks in. I don't play that game, not because I don't know how, but because I am not 22 years old.

I am feel very weird about leaving. I have learned so much at work over the past 18 months that I feel obligated to stay through the new guys "training". But what is the appropriate time to stay? To long and I risk not caring, to short and I will be the dick who left. Life is hard.... Any and all input is welcome.

changing times

There's scuttlebutt that we need to change our venue because our anonymity has been compromised.  I'd like to keep this beautifully poignant name, but I also cannot allow our words to be subjected to scrutiny or our employment to ever be at risk.  If we can come up with a suitable substitute, I will put the KC moniker on eBay and use the proceeds to get us more space.  Chime in, please.

bad mojo

Happy holiday, Chefs!  I'm sure most of you are enjoying the three (or four) day weekend busting your ass while all the FOH managers get their rest.  In any case, I miss posting and I feel like I'm letting the team down.  In that vein, I promise a slew of new and untold thoughts and feelings once I catch my breath at the new venue.
Since I've been back to work, I haven't been perusing the motherload of all labor that is CraigsList food/bev/hosp.  I forgot how much I have missed it.  I live in a pretty big town that wants to be a city.  There aren't any other cities, so they've really got carte blanche.  The food doesn't suck so much anymore and the effort is obvious, ambitious and boring at the same time.  I giggle when a new chef comes to an old restaurant and tries to post new and exciting ads for Farm to Table (jumping the shark), "scratch kitchen" chefs with three relevant industry references and no drama.  Don't you know where you are, dude?  Every good chef is taken.  The only assholes you're going to get (some great chefs amongst for sure) can only get a job in this town if a new restaurant opens.  The corollary is the joints that are hiring a new Sous every six weeks.  Go figure.  I guess the ad didn't mention 6day/75hr work weeks and that you're the fifth dude/dudette to take the job in the last six months.  Ask around, people.  This place is small and incestous and we like it that way. 

Changing of the guard

In all my years in this business I have never been at a restaurant during a head chef transition. I spend an hour commuting each day and I think about what will happen when he comes. What will the first day be like? What will my (new?) roll be? How long will it take for him to be trained? When will my next day off be?

Over the past few weeks our current EC has become lazier. I sensed something was up, but quitting was not what I was thinking. He had the easiest EC job on the East Coast. No other EC, at a restaurant of this caliber, works 40 hours a week, doesn't have to do the ordering or inventory. Food Cost is almost not an issue, imagine that. He has to make the schedule and plate food.

This made me think of all the times I left jobs. I haven't always worked to the best of my abilities and that bothers me now. Integrity points should double once you give your notice. I remember when two previous co-workers left my current employer. They both worked like they would be there the following day. What a selfless and mature way to end. Lets just say that is not happening right now. Coming in late and spending allot of time checking food blogs the norm, however the whistling continues.

The new EC's start date is uncertain, but I am planning for the worst and hoping for the best. I do know that this will make for some great post in the future.

Post Saturday Dinner Service

The guys on the line did real good that night. We ran a special with some pork chops off a whole pig we got from Laughing Stock farms. We brined, smoked, and chargrilled the chops then served it up with creme fraiche spaetzle, confit asparagus, and porcini daube. This sunset happened at 8:50 pm. Our guests got to watch this happen as they were eating and sipping wine. It sure does take the pressure off, however it feels extra good when the food goes out so nicely.

5 minute rule

So the never fucking ending saga of Slingblade continues. I don't really want to go into examples but is he is dumb and getting dumber. Aside from is lack of retaining information he moves very fast in order to seem busy or to impress others, I am not really sure. Teaching him is pointless, he forgets everything minutes after you tell him. I am sorry to report I have given up trying. I hate to quit, but I need to move on and focus on my job. I try and find jobs that will occupy large portions of his day.

During my commute time, an hour, I try and think of new ways to make him more helpful to everyone around us. Boom it hit me...5 Minutes!!! If he, or any employee, spent 5 extra minutes a shift they could go from an OK worker to a valuable team member.

When Slingblade puts his/our mise away he often doesn't label things or even put them in appropriate sized storage containers. This would take a total of a minute through out the day. When he puts the entire collection of mise(a large sheet tray) 25 seconds could be spent looking to see if the tray fits instead of forcing the tray where it doesn't belong. Reading the prep list, 10 seconds, before making a trip to the walk-in to retrieve not only the "lemon" he needs for this prep item, but the other "lemon" he will need for the next task on the prep list would actually save him the 30 seconds it takes to walk to the walk-in. So by spending 10 seconds he gains 30, not bad.

The idea is that if just a small amount of time is spent doing every task a little better then great things WILL happen for the entire team. Five minutes doesn't sound like allot of time.... because it isn't when you are working a 10+ hour shift. Just a little extra bit of "I care" goes along way.