grill marks on half

           One of the surest signs that Saturday has arrived is waking @ 7:00am because of a kitchen nightmare. This one started at a Dead Show/warehouse catering operation and I was almost glad that the cops came because my friends wouldn't let me talk them out of buying LSD-24. In any case, I ended up in Eugene after accepting a job in Crazytown, completely forgetting that I had a wife and daughter and it would be impossible to commute from the Right Coast. Diggily and I were working on one of the new menu items, a grilled veggie sandwich on focaccia. Our grill was too hot and it was burning the eggplant, so I had no idea how we were going to put grill marks on the sandwich once we cut it in half. Part of the problem was a new line cook named Heather who kept threatening to show us her tits. She said that people always tell her that she looks like Heather Graham. Buck White snorted and said, "Maybe if Heather smoked a gram," and I was too busy controlling my laughter to worry about the grill marks. The next I knew it was nearly closing time (10:00) and we were elated to have one last five-top fed so we could clean up. Unfortunately, another five-top magically appeared and wanted to eat at the bar. It was a certain food critic from a terrible local paper and they ordered eight or nine items, mostly sandwiches, and of course she wanted grill marks on only half of her veggie sandwich. That's when I woke up, unable to scream because I no longer had any oxygen in my body. Needless to say, I wasn't able to get back to sleep.

        So, the moral of this story is: if you're going to have a veggie sandwich on the menu, there are several considerations. Do not use stale focaccia, especially if using the prebought herbed rounds. Par grill or blanche your vegetables ahead of time. Don't use nasty pesto mayonnaise. Don't overstuff it or use too many RRPs. Use toothpicks to hold it together, spray it with olive oil and make sure the grill is remarkably clean.  Now punch yourself right in the face and look @ Earl.

        Good luck in your respective restaurants to-night. I would ask for reciprocal wishes, but I'm going to need way more than just plain luck. We already have a 5, a 6, an 8 and a 5 on the book, so I'm in the market for a good attorney and a great pharmacist. Either way, it will be over in ten hours and I can hopefully collect my prize for Best Chili and get my Chelsea on.